Non Compos Mentis

“Trans men are men and need cervical cancer screenings, too.” —Planned Parenthood of Southern New England

Spin Doctor

“My problem is the Trump administration is taking a victory lap as if they’re the only ones who planned this [Iran attack]. And I understand he took the action, but this action was planned by the military for multiple administrations.” —former Obama aide Johanna Maska

Shot/Chaser

“I worked for an anti-war president.” —Johanna Maska

“How many countries did you bomb the crap out of? Lord have mercy!” —Scott Jennings

Braying Jennies

“I’m the one who’s supposed to make the f***in decision.” —Rep. Jasmine Crockett on Trump striking Iran

“Mr. President, don’t take your anger out on me — I’m just a silly girl.” —Rep. Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez

Double Check Those Numbers

“And for those of us that go all the way back to the United States to kill 250 million people in two days in Hiroshima and Nagasaki — that’s not a high moral moment for the American [people].” —Cornel West offering a faulty history lesson

For the Record

“We basically have two countries [Iran and Israel] that have been fighting so long and so hard that they don’t know what the f**k they’re doing.” —Donald Trump

“They’re not going to have enrichment and they’re not going to have a nuclear weapon and they know that. They’re going to get on to being a great trading nation.” —Donald Trump on the future of Iran

“I was wrong. President Donald J Trump was right. War with Iran is already over as is their Nuke program!” —actor Rob Schneider, who was a “panican” about the Iran-Israel war

“In ordering the bombing of three nuclear sites in Iran, President Trump did the right thing, for the right reason, and at the right time.” —Cal Thomas

Belly Laughs of the Day

“Smart move by the Ayatollah to take the ceasefire. Trump was gonna bomb that dude back into the Stone Age, which woulda set him back three or four WEEKS.” —Jimmy Failla

“BREAKING: District Court judge Orders Trump To RESTART War with Iran.” —Tim Pool

No Holds Barred

“You have to feel for AOC. You’re all dressed up for an impeachment and peace breaks out.” —law professor Jonathan Turley

“Well, look, she’s a Muslim terrorist. She’s a disgrace. … Here’s someone that we allowed under the auspices of being a refugee to come to our country. She hates it. She should go home to Somalia where she would feel much more comfortable with other people who are just like her.” —Rep. Randy Fine on Rep. Ilhan Omar

“You’re gutless losers. I say that to CNN because I watch it. I have no choice. I got to watch that garbage. It’s all garbage. It’s all fake news. But I think CNN is a gutless group of people. … But the people that run it ought to be ashamed.” —Donald Trump

The Bottom Line

“For many low-skilled Americans, the message of illegal immigration is that you aren’t needed. America’s elitists will import a cheap, foreign labor force to replace you.” —Victor Joecks

And Last…

“The American people want to meet mass migration with mass deportations. Period.” —Sen. Eric Schmitt