Dumb & Dumber

“The Islamic Republic was victorious and, in retaliation, delivered a hand slap to America’s face.” —Iranian Supreme Leader Ayatollah Ali Khamenei

“The Zionist regime was practically knocked out and crushed under the blows of the Islamic Republic.” —Ali Khamenei

Non Compos Mentis

“I assume Iran could still get a bomb easily. I hope Iran does some symbolic strike on a base, then everyone stops.” —Jonathan Brown, professor of Islamic Civilization at Georgetown University

Shot/Chaser

“They’re mad. They’re furious. You can see it in their voice because they got caught in a lie. … They went out there and said that the nuclear capacity of Iran was obliterated, that we’d set back the program at least a year. They knew they were lying when they said it. They got caught in the lie. That’s super embarrassing. And they’re trying to cover up that lie with this righteous indignation.” —Sen. Chris Murphy

“CIA can confirm that a body of credible intelligence indicates Iran’s nuclear program has been severely damaged by the recent, targeted strikes. This includes new intelligence from a historically reliable and accurate source/method that several key Iranian nuclear facilities were destroyed and would have to be rebuilt over the course of years.” —CIA Director John Ratcliffe

For the Record

“You do not build a multilayered underground bunker complex with centrifuges and other equipment in a mountain for any peaceful purpose.” —Joint Chiefs Chairman Gen. Dan Caine

“The same people terrified by Iranian sleeper cells want open borders.” —Ian Haworth

“Eighty years ago, the Jewish people were the victims of a Holocaust perpetrated by the Nazi regime. Today, the Jewish state refuses to be a victim of a nuclear Holocaust perpetrated by the Iranian regime.” —Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu

Wanted: Single Democrat Female Seeking Race Riots

“Not for nothing, but I wanna know where all the cholos are at in Los Angeles. Eighteenth Street, Florencia — where’s the leadership at? Because you guys are all about territory, and this is 18th Street and this is Florencia. You guys tag everything up — claiming hood — and now that your hood’s being invaded by the biggest gang there is, there ain’t a peep out of you. … We’re out there, like, fighting [for] our turf, protecting our turf, protecting our people, and, like, where you at?” —Cynthia Gonzalez, vice mayor of a city within the greater Los Angeles area, recruiting gangs to fight federal immigration police

Rule of Law

“My officers and agents walk into danger so other people can sleep safely at night, so kids can make it to school safely and play outside. … Politicians need to stop putting my people in danger. I’m not asking them to stop. I’m demanding that they stop. … These are real people with real families you’re hurting with your ridiculous rhetoric and inflammatory comments, and it’s time to remember that.” —Acting ICE Director Todd Lyons

Race Bait

“The reason why heart disease and cancer and obesity and diabetes are bigger in the black community is because of the stress we carry from having to deal with being called the N-word directly or indirectly every day.” —former Rep. Jamaal Bowman

Pearl-Clutching

“16 million Americans could lose their health care if the Big Ugly Bill passes. Mitch McConnell said they’ll get over it. … Kids who find their parent on the floor after they can’t afford insulin won’t get over it. Parents who take care of their kid with a disability won’t get over it.” —Sen. Elizabeth Warren

Friendly Fire

“Democrats wishing to lose the ‘26 midterms should promote a 33-year-old socialist devoid of executive experience for mayor of America’s largest city and impeach a president who ended a tyrannical regime’s nuclear threat while achieving a ceasefire days later.” —former Democrat Congressman and presidential candidate Dean Phillips

Inquiring Minds Want to Know

“How is it that an unelected swamp bureaucrat, who was appointed by Harry Reid over a decade ago, gets to decide what can and cannot go in President Trump’s One Big Beautiful Bill?” —Rep. Greg Steube

Canary in the Coal Mine

“China is conducting the most comprehensive penetration of our society since we were formed 250 years ago … and we’ve never seen anything quite like this. And it’s so comprehensive — cyber espionage penetrating our critical infrastructure … sleeping inside those capabilities, telecommunications, food supply, pharmaceutical drugs, transportation, the list goes on. And in the event there’s conflict with China in the Pacific, they would attempt to defeat the American people at home and break their will to support the war.” —Gen. Jack Keane (Ret.)

Make America Great Again

“Trump has a massive cleanup on Aisle America after the Biden-Harris debacle — dealing with illegal aliens, inflation, systemic election fraud, Leftmedia suppression of free speech, regulations choking economic and business growth, national security threats, war in Ukraine, and rising Islamist threats in the Middle East.” —Mark Alexander

And Last…

“I’ve never been 'proud’ to be gay. … Pride Month has ballooned into a 30-day spectacle that now feels less about unity and more about domination — cultural, corporate, and political. … Pride Month today has become a lightning rod, not because gay people are asking to be treated equally, but because the month has become synonymous with shock value, sexual exhibitionism, and corporate hypocrisy.” —lesbian fitness influencer Jillian Michaels