Village Idiots

“I’ve had it with white people that triple Trumped that have the nerve and the audacity to walk into a Mexican restaurant, a Chinese restaurant, an Indian restaurant, go to perhaps their gay hairdresser. … I don’t think you should be able to enjoy anything but Cracker Barrel.” —actress Jennifer Welch

“I did get Italian citizenship. … As bad as you thought it was going to be, it’s so much worse. It’s just unbelievable. Like, I feel like it’s probably even worse than [Trump] would like it to be.” —Jimmy Kimmel

Braying Jenny

“[Republicans] want to minimize voices. They want to systemically get rid of those black electeds. … They have already decided that the only way that they can win, because they have failed policies, is by making sure that they can cheat their way. And while they’re cheating their way … they also at the same time violate the Constitution, as well as the Voting Rights Act, and make sure that it’s people of color.” —Rep. Jasmine Crockett

Non Compos Mentis

“What does that mean?” —DC Police Chief Pamela A. Smith after being asked if she knows what the current DC chain of command is

Shot/Chaser

“We cannot prosecute and arrest our way out of [crime].” —DC Attorney General Brian Schwalb

“It’s literally the only way to end crime.” —White House Deputy Chief of Staff for Policy Stephen Miller

Upright

“My father always … used to say, ‘Son, when you walk into a restaurant and you see a dirty front door, don’t go in. Because if the front door is dirty, the kitchen is dirty also.’ Same thing with the capital. If our capital is dirty, our whole country is dirty.” —Donald Trump

For the Record

“Nobody wants to say it, but America’s poor would be much better off if we built new prisons rather than new universities. Crime and violence — not ‘systemic racism’ or ‘redlining’ — are the great destroyers of opportunity for the poor.” —Christopher Rufo

“Barack Obama’s entire political career — and the fortune he now has — come down to gerrymandering. While he lectures others about ‘power grabs’ and ‘threats to democracy,’ his rise was engineered through rigged maps and backroom deals designed to protect and further his own interests and sideline genuine voter influence.” —Matt Margolis

Belly Laugh of the Day

“DC Democrats are protesting Trump’s crime crackdown by banging pots and pans at night. Unfortunately, nobody can hear them over the gunshots.” —Jimmy Failla

And Last…

“The water in Washington, D.C., is not going to clear up until you get the pigs out of the creek.” —Sen. John Kennedy