Never Let a Crisis Go to Waste

“We cannot even make it through the first week of school without mass shootings. And the GOP will continue to do absolutely nothing while our kids are being gunned down.” —California Gov. Gavin Newsom

Dezinformatsiya

“These things can shoot dozens of bullets in just one trigger pull.” —CNN’s Evan Perez discussing a semiautomatic rifle

Non Compos Mentis

“When kids are getting shot in their pews at a catholic school mass and your crime plan is to have national guard put mulch down around DC maybe rethink your strategy.” —MSNBC’s Jen Psaki

“Anybody that is gonna use this as an opportunity to villainize our trans community … has lost touch with a common humanity.” —Minneapolis Mayor Jacob Frey

“Don’t just say this is about thoughts and prayers right now. These kids were literally praying.” —Mayor Jacob Frey (“This guy knelt before George Floyd’s golden casket but tells us that our prayers for Catholic school children mean nothing.” —Greg Price)

“Forget about thoughts and prayers. These kids were literally praying when they were murdered through a church window.” —CNN’s Dana Bash

Re: The Left

“Little children are murdered by a psycho in a Catholic school and the first thing leftists think to attack is praying. So unhinged.” —David Harsanyi

“I’m sick of people pretending the answer is ‘fewer guns.’ The real issue is a culture that affirms mental derangement at every turn.” —Riley Gaines

“‘If you don’t give trans people hormones, they’ll shoot themselves!’ Well, if you do give them hormones, they’ll shoot young Christian children.” —Will Chamberlain

“Transgenderism is an inherently radicalizing, demonic ideology that always leads to chaos, and often violence. It’s an obvious danger at every level and must be opposed in every way possible.” —Allie Beth Stuckey

“What you see is what you see, and they’re putting it everywhere. They’re like, ‘She had a baby — with another woman.’ Well, my grandson, in the middle of the movie, is like, ‘Papa Snoop? How she have a baby with a woman? She’s a woman!’” —Snoop Dogg on going to see Pixar’s “Lightyear”

Demagogue

“ICE is beyond reform and should be abolished.” —Rep. Ilhan Omar

A Blind Squirrel Finds a Nut

“We greatly appreciate the surge of officers that enhance what MPD has been able to do in this city.” —DC Mayor Muriel Bowser showing appreciation for the DC crime crackdown

For the Record

“The politics of bike lanes have become a stand-in for something larger: who city streets are really for. Are they lifelines of transportation, commerce, and emergency response? Or are they canvases for ‘green’ experiments that elevate a minuscule minority of cyclists above the far greater number of drivers, bus riders, and delivery vehicles that keep the city moving?” —Jeff Jacoby

Belly Laughs of the Day

“You were elected as the president of working Americans, and that’s why this Labor Day is so meaningful. For me personally, this is the most meaningful Labor Day of my life as someone with four jobs.” —Secretary of State Marco Rubio

“This thing about people getting married on Saturdays during college football season is a scourge, Mr. President. It’s dividing families. I don’t know if we can have an executive order on this. … There’s seven other months of the year when people can get married.” —Secretary of State Marco Rubio

“Cracker Barrel is keeping its OLD TIMER after realizing the last people to ditch theirs ended up with Kamala Harris.” —Jimmy Failla