Time seemed to stand still. I didn’t know if it was day or night. My moments of consciousness seemed so brief before descending back into darkness. When I woke, the pain caused me to want to slip back into the dark. I had no idea what was going on around me. When I did gain consciousness, the hospital ward seemed to be constant activity.

Onetime I woke and saw an Army nurse standing at the bed, holding my hand and looking very sad. The room was filled with clouds. I asked why there were clouds in the room, but she didn’t seem to hear me. I tried to raise my voice until I felt as if I was screaming, but no words came out of her mouth; there was only sadness in her eyes. I eventually realized I was floating above the bed looking down at her. Then, darkness once again!

I haven’t shared that part of my story with many people. I don’t know if it was an out-of-body experience. Was I close to death?

Sometime later, when I was conscience, I watched as my twin brother walked up and down the ward, looking for me, passing me several times. When the doctor told him I was going to die, the shock on Ron’s face drove home the seriousness of my situation. At 22 years of age, I didn’t want to die. I felt more fear at that moment than anything on the battlefield. So, I plea-bargained with God: “Let me live and I’ll do whatever you want!”

The darkness returned. Days went by and I began to get better. Not immediately, but day by day the pain lessened and the healing process began. I dodged the bullet!

Once recovered, l took credit for everything because that’s what Marines do: suck it up and keep going. But the darkness remained, eating at my soul — a festering wound in my heart that refused to leave. It returned every night in the form of nightmares that lasted for years, reliving the horrors of war. Bitterness, anger, and hate lay just below the surface as I pretended to be normal. Day after day, I silently cursed the darkness.

But there is a light that can drive away the darkness in our souls. No matter the kind of hurt or trauma you have experienced, the light of the Gospel dispels the darkness. I stopped cursing the darkness and chose to live in the light of God’s mercy and grace.

It seems we’re living in a very angry world right now. Hurt, pain, and abandonment of God have left generations, especially our youth, angry at … what? Do they even know why they’re angry? That’s what happens when you take God out of the culture: We try to fill the God-sized hole with which we are born with many other things like success, lust, drugs, alcohol, and relationships. We try many things to make the darkness flee, but they won’t work. I know — I tried.

What excites me at this point in my life is seeing the seeds of hope being sown into a new generation. A generation that is starting to realize there really is a God. Maybe God really does love me. Maybe He can make the darkness flee. I want to touch that generation.

The answer to all of the darkness is a resounding, “YES. God can and He will.” Just surrender and His love will do the rest. There is always hope!

Something to pray about!
Semper Fidelis