Upright

Columnist Burt Prelutsky: “For only the second time in our nation’s history have we elected three consecutive presidents to second terms. The first time it happened, we wound up with Jefferson, Madison and Monroe. This time, we got Clinton, Bush and Obama. Does anyone require a clearer picture of America’s decline?”

Insight

“‘Trust but verify,’ Reagan discovered, applied not only to the Soviets but also to the Democrats in Congress.” –political consultant and author Lyn Nofziger (1924 - 2006)

Alpha Jackass

Barack Obama: “[T]here’s no doubt that in an environment in which we had to fight tooth and nail to get [ObamaCare] passed, it ended up being passed on a partisan basis … because there was just ideological resistance to the idea of dealing with the uninsured and people with preexisting conditions. … One of the problems we’ve had is one side of Capitol Hill is invested in failure, and that makes, I think, the kind of iterative process of fixing glitches as they come up and fine-tuning the law more challenging. But I’m optimistic that we can get it fixed.”

Braying Jackass

MoveOn.org: “Why are we so fixated on 4 million insured people who may lose their current and mostly sub-standard health insurance policies and ignoring the fact that 48 million people who have never had health insurance will finally be able to buy health insurance? … The 48 million people that have never had coverage would not be able to get any health insurance coverage if it were not for the Affordable Care Act. End of story!”

Belly Laugh of the Week

Barack Obama: “I’m not a particularly ideological person.”

Non Compos Mentis

Rep. Charlie Rangel: “You know, the DREAM Act for the kids that came over here and didn’t know their home town, the president did that by executive order. What I did is I’ve taken out the language that he used and I’m gonna see why we can’t use executive orders for everything. What’s he gonna do? Make the Republicans angry? They’re gonna get annoyed? They’re not gonna cooperate?”

The Demo-gogues

Sen. Ed Markey: “Whether it’s the slow death of pond hockey or increasing heat for football practices, global warming is negatively affecting the games we play and the sports we love. And just like steroids have distorted some of our sports records, carbon pollution is distorting our climate, breaking records and leading to more extreme weather.”

Village Idiots

Dennis Rodman: “I do things that is [sic] very significant right now, and people are actually paying attention to Dennis Rodman now. You know. Back when I was doing my finagling in sports, they thought I was a joke. You know. They thought I was a cartoon character and stuff like that. And all of a sudden now, people are taking me serious as more of a … ambassador now, stuff like that around the world.”

Short Cuts

Comedian Argus Hamilton: “President Obama admitted his approval ratings are low. He’ll always have one huge accomplishment. President Obama has improved this country to the point that even racists have completely forgotten that he’s black and despise him only for his policies.”