Frank J. Fleming: “Really, the best way President Obama can help the country is to spend all his time playing golf. Things we don’t worry about when Obama is playing golf: He’s not raising taxes, not signing new unconstitutional laws, and not fiddling around with our health care plans. And if he takes Michelle with him on vacation, our kids can finally sneak candy bars into their school lunches. … [I]n a way, wouldn’t the perfect president be one who, after inauguration, headed off to the Bahamas, never to be seen again? Because that president isn’t going to get in our way. And he’ll also teach us to be resourceful and learn to solve our own problems. So let’s use Obama’s vacation time to finally solve things ourselves. For starters, I say we take on the issue of race, as it really seems like we should have licked that one by now. Here’s my idea: We all pick some group all races can come together and hate. Like hipsters, maybe. Well, that’s enough working on social issues. I’m off to Hawaii.”