Make Daylight Great Again

Marco Rubio introduced legislation to banish the scourge of the time change forever.

Nate Jackson · Mar. 16, 2018

If Marco Rubio had proposed this during the 2016 campaign, he might be president. The Florida Republican senator introduced legislation this week to allow the nation to remain on Daylight Saving Time all year round — the “Sunshine Protection Act.” A companion measure, the “Sunshine State Act,” would at least let Florida keep the same time all year, though it would leave the rest of us in the dark during the winter. Dear senators: Pass the national bill.

There might not be another issue on which so many Americans agree — we all hate the biannual time change. Acclimating to a new daylight schedule every March and again every November probably ranks among our least favorite things. That’s exponentially true if you’re raising kids. (Can we get an “amen”?) Totally disrupting the space-time continuum twice a year leads to sloppy work by sleepy people, car accidents and other injuries, hordes of zombie children and a drastic increase in swearing. No rational human wants that to continue.

Now, of course there’s going to be disagreement over which time should become standard, but if you would rather stay on “standard” time, you’re obviously wrong. And probably a communist. Yes, if we remain on daylight time, mornings can be awfully dark in the middle of winter. But at least it wouldn’t be dark by 4:00 in the afternoon, which leads to all manner of woe, depression and socialist statism — especially among Yankees. Conversely, if we were forced to live the rest of our lives on “standard” time (a hilarious misnomer at present, given that “standard” time reigns for all of four months a year), mornings might be a little brighter in winter, but the sun would come up at ungodly hours in the summer. That would completely waste hours of useful light as people sleep in — or force people out of bed with kids who rise with the sun at 5:00 in the morning — while robbing us of the pure delight of summer evenings. You might as well outlaw puppies, swimming pools and summer grilling while you’re at it. Communist.

All of this is to say, thank you, Sen. Rubio, for giving us hope for a brighter future. All senators, Republican and Democrat alike, should rally to his banner. Americans disagree on so many things, but it’s obviously time to save time itself. Let’s come together for once and banish this scourge from our shores forever. Let’s unite for daylight!

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