Friendly fire: “Join the straight-arm club. Just pretend you have a cold and I have a cold.” —House Speaker Nancy Pelosi’s memo to Handsy Joe Biden

For the record: “There’s nothing in the regulations that require [Attorney General William Barr] to reveal anything. And the best test is the shoe-on-the-other-foot test. … If [James] Comey had said, ‘We’re just not gonna indict Hillary Clinton on the emails,’ and the Republicans said, ‘Wait a minute. We heard you have a report that says she was extremely careless. We want you to release that,’ the Democrats would have jumped up and down and [said], ‘No, no, no. Prosecutors don’t say anything negative about people they haven’t indicted.’” —Alan Dershowitz

The BIG Lie: “[Donald Trump] hasn’t been exonerated by anybody except his own hired henchman.” —Rep. Steve Cohen

Dezinformatsiya: “While [Trump’s] technically exonerated from a crime, is he exonerated from his behavior as a president?” —NBC’s Chuck Todd

Braying Jackass I: “We’ve just got to survive these next 22 months or so. I think [Trump] is in danger of being the worst president in the history of the United States.” —Eric Holder

Braying Jackass II: “[Trump] in my mind is the most dangerous president in modern American history.” —Sen. Bernie Sanders

Hyperbole: “If Trump gets his way, the cost of health insurance for you will be so high that many people literally will not be able to afford it. Thousands of people will literally die. That’s Trump’s health insurance plan.” —Bernie Sanders

Non Compos Mentis: “It’s the correct thing that the [Jussie Smollett] charges were dropped. … I have learned this isn’t unusual.” —Rep. Maxine Waters

Letting the cat out of the bag: “The question is, if we make the global commitment to reduce … greenhouse gases, can we reverse the climate change we’re seeing now? Right now, nobody knows.” —Al Roker

Still bitter: “I don’t believe Republicans should have another [Supreme Court] nomination until we square the deal when they stole the last seat.” —Gov. Jay Inslee

And last… “The Democrats on the left … want to get their hands on the [Mueller] report … so that they can leak it. So they can leak it to all their buddies in the media. So that they can continue on going down rabbit holes of pretending that there is some kind of Russian collusion.” —Rep. Devin Nunes