For the record: “As someone who was probably the number-two recipient of [Eric Swalwell’s] tinfoil brigade attacks about Russia for years where he called me a traitor, I find it very ironic that he was perhaps sleeping with a Chinese spy. … We shouldn’t be surprised about the media being silent on this issue, which is truly a national security threat, while this man sits on the House Intelligence Committee. But we also shouldn’t be surprised that someone who basically may have soiled himself on national TV also allowed his agency and his group to be infiltrated by a Chinese spy.” —Donald Trump Jr.

If not for double standards… “I’m starting to notice a trend after this news about Swalwell employing a Chinese spy: It seems every time they go after Trump for something, Democrats get exposed [for] doing that exact thing themselves.” —Lisa Daftari

Tongue-in-cheek: “Wow, can’t believe Amy Coney Barrett breached her secret agreement with Trump to throw the election his way.” —Eliana Johnson

Friendly fire: “The scary thing is being canceled if you say the wrong thing and suddenly Netflix can take you off their platform. You could be the most woke, politically correct stand-up in the world at the moment, but you don’t know what it’s going to be like in 10 years time. You can get canceled for things you said 10 years ago.” —Ricky Gervais

Grand delusions: “Donald Trump’s acting like a fascist, but we don’t want to call him a fascist. Even though if you look up the definition of fascism, so much of what he does fits neatly in there.” —MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough

Non compos mentis: “I am a pro-choice pastor.” —Georgia U.S. Senate candidate Raphael Warnock (“I’m a pro-meat vegan.” —Allie Beth Stuckey)

And last… “The WHO now recommends against hugging over the holidays. Like we said last week, pretty soon you won’t be able to say Merry Christmas.” —Rep. Jim Jordan