Columnist.
"This is rock-solid proof of my innocence," Comey told the court as he held up the letter.
"Let's stay positive, people. Signs can work. Just not for guns, apparently."
It appears Weiss is about to unleash a veritable journalist's holocaust over at CBS. We wish those poor reporters well.
"We are suffering greatly as we try to choke down these dry sandwiches the Jewish terrorists gave us," said Thunberg.
Schumer unveiled a proposal which aims to limit the capacity of sombreros that can be added to a video and create a waiting period for those wanting to access sombrero graphics.
AOC will have to go back to bartending, but she doesn't know how to make a rum and coke: It's a tough recipe.
Must consume a minimum of 7 pounds of beef per day: This does not include the expected daily supplements of raw bovine liver.
"Antifa is just an idea. And though members of that idea have just lit me on fire, I want to make it clear that we will not stand for military troops being deployed."
Travel to Canada for healthcare: They'll probably recommend euthanasia. But at least you definitely won't feel your headache after that.
The Democratic Party determined adding a sniper rifle to the logo would best depict what the party stands for and who it represents.
"Remembering is important because of how important it is to remember. And by remembering, we are reminded of what we are remembering."
Mixing a mouthful of Pop Rocks with Dr. Pepper: Dangerous. And now known to be super autism-causing.
Despite her best efforts, AOC simply could not outclass the piece of cardboard set up to oppose her.
Furniture store "Going Out Of Business" sign holder: You twirl that sign like your life depends on it, Jimmy.
"I could've sworn they were going to do something with those things," said one mainstream media journalist.
Maybe keep your horrific murder celebrations to a minimum next time.
Though somewhat uneasy about seeing their own quotes engraved on shell casings used by murderers, the Democratic Party is hesitant to rush to conclusions.
Kirk was on record as stating that, despite building a massive following and influencing global events, "It's all about Jesus."
Democratic leaders expressed dismay that conservatives would continue to refuse to disarm themselves in the face of open, murderous hostility.
If someone stops a violent criminal, don't arrest that person: Whoa. Total game-changer.
