Columnist.
This particular block of useless lumps drawing government paychecks was surprisingly easy to identify and expose.
"Trump has beclowned himself with these appointments," said Senator Elizabeth Warren, handing her makeup bag to Admiral Levine.
"Trump's message of peace, success, and security has no power here."
"People absolutely love getting to watch Kimmel stand there like a sissy and bawl all over himself."
"Yeah, he actually won a second term in 2020. Sorry about that," said Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi.
"Please, don't — please — do not despair — I'm speaking!" Harris shouted above the celebratory crowd.
"Kamala was a huge burden, but now it's time for us to be unburdened, more unburdened than ever before."
"There is a high risk that he will completely overhaul our failed, inefficient mess of a government."
"Trump's call for world peace was tantamount to calling for executions by firing squad."
We have consulted the experts to determine the clearest signs of whether or not someone is garbage.
The garbage vote is expected this year to be a major player in deciding every swing state.
"Embracing Jewish people in particular is a bold new frontier for Nazi meetings."
"I don't know how anyone could vote for someone after such scurrilous accusations."
What you may not know is just how similar the two fascist dictators really are.
According to sources, Trump was appalled at the sad level of Happy Meal toys currently being offered.
"Joe never had to do anything like this! I shouldn't either!" Kamala shouted at Gayle Quare, a purple-haired intern. "Where's my shot glass??"
"I mean comparatively, Biden was like Winston Churchill compared to this word salad of vindictive psychopathy."
Congressional Democrats appeared flustered, even ill, as Wray spoke while many Republicans rolled their eyes in annoyance.
"I am happy to publish my new book of entirely new and original material," Harris said in a press release that accompanied the announcement of the book.
