Columnist.
"She's got so much experience making wrong decisions, who better to decide what's right?"
"Listen, folks. Here's the deal. You know who to vote for," Biden said to the assembled crowd.
"Man, she's so annoying," said a New York native and lifelong Democrat. "I can't stand her voice."
Jamaal Bowman must be stationed by the fire alarm — just in case things aren't going Kamala's way.
Commemorating the AP's long and distinguished record of quoting people accurately.
The Minnesota governor decided it was a good enough opportunity for him to spiff up his military career just a little more.
"Bark!" said Scout in a statement. "Woof!" said Scout, doubling down on his position.
"For an Italian-American crowd, shout 'Mamma mia! Let's-a-go vote for-ah Kamala!'"
Bash was reportedly stunned by the genius of the retort.
"They quit because they are literally overdosing on joy."
"Without that voice in the stroller proclaiming 'fweedom' in Selma, we might not be where we are today as a country."
Who would have guessed that the two parties would have so much in common?
"Acquiring an official government-issued photo ID isn't something people like me can do."
"Long live the Proletariat! Equal outcomes for equal work!"
"Why do we need bread lines anyway? Wasn't that like a Soviet thing? That doesn't sound fun."
"Say it with me — tax the valor-rich!"
The campaign has asked if the media and everyone on the planet could kindly disregard everything Kamala has previously said.
These stories are nearly impossible to believe, but he swears they are true.
"Such a backward way to live life, am I right?"
It was previously thought that such incredible levels of vodka were incompatible with human life.
