Satire
91 pieces filed under this topic.
Touching: Kamala Announces Plan to Hang 'Joy' Sign Above Bread Lines
"Why do we need bread lines anyway? Wasn't that like a Soviet thing? That doesn't sound fun."
Tim Walz Clarifies That He Is Not Stealing Valor, Just Redistributing It
"Say it with me — tax the valor-rich!"
Kamala to Announce Policy Positions Just as Soon as Polls Tell Her What They Are
The campaign has asked if the media and everyone on the planet could kindly disregard everything Kamala has previously said.
'JD Vance Is Weird,' Says Guy Who Signed Bill to Put Tampons in Boys' School Bathrooms
"Such a backward way to live life, am I right?"
Democrats Continue Long-Standing Tradition of Large Whites-Only Gatherings
"Dividing the country into different groups based on skin color has been the hallmark of the Democratic Party since its inception."
Sodom and Gomorrah Set to Host 2028 Olympics
"They're a natural fit for us," explained Olympic Committee director Max Durgen.
Criminals in Congress Begin Helpfully Holding Signs to Identify Themselves
"What a great idea by Representative Tlaib!"
FBI Wonders if Perhaps They've Been Investigating the Wrong People This Whole Time
Director Christopher Wray briefly pondered how the agency had failed to stop so many violent criminals.
'Keep Religion Out of Our Schools,' Says Teacher With BLM, Pride Flags in Classroom
"There is absolutely no call for any sort of religion to be represented or displayed in a public school classroom — ever!"
Donald Trump Found Guilty of Being Donald Trump
"There wasn't any way he could sit there being Donald Trump and just get away with it."
'Harrison Butker Does Not Reflect Our Values,' Says League of Woman Beaters
"We sincerely apologize for Butker's inexcusable support for family values."
For Greater Inclusivity, Boy Scouts of America Removes Every Word in Name Except 'Of'
"We feel this is the best way to completely torpedo any remaining relevance scouting had."
Hamas Thanks College Student Supporters by Promising Them a Quick Death During Global Intifada
"Maybe it will only hurt for a second. But that's it. It's the least we could do."
Columbia Protestors Clarify They Only Want Death to America After America Is Done Paying Their Student Loans
Protestors also called for the death of Elon Musk, but only after they get a Tesla.
World in Shock as Murderous Terrorist State Ignores Warning From Impotent Old Man
"Biden is prepared to withhold the Iranian leader's evening treat or even his screen time."
Biden Condemns Jesus for Rising Again on Trans Day of Visibility
"Who does this Jesus think he is?" shouted an angry Biden.
National Guardsman Being Trampled by Migrants Glad to Hear We're Not Being Invaded
"Calling it an invasion would be racist and xenophobic. Are you racist and xenophobic?"
Millions of British Kids Forced to Live Normal, Happy Lives After UK Bans Puberty Blockers
Experts warn that without delayed puberty, British kids will grow normally.
Oscars Observes Moment of Silence for Undocumented Murderer Tragically Called 'Illegal'
"No one is illegal," said a tearful Jimmy Kimmel as the murderer's picture was displayed.