May 2, 2013

Surviving May 2nd: Even Reds Get the Blues

Post-May-Day depression is a growing malady that affects progressives each year, usually beginning late in the afternoon on May 1 and continuing until the morning of the next May Day.

For some, it is simply a result of too much sign-making and short-range marching with very few people giving a damn.

For many others the causes range from substance abuse to the frustration over their inability to force the wonderful progressive world order on the unenlightened by government mandate.

While most left-wing agitators in the U.S. and other free nations experience mild symptoms, some others are subjected to an almost paralyzing agony.

These helpful tips explain how dejected collectivists around the world can combat May Day depression by just taking a few simple precautions.

Realize that May Day is just a temporary, one-day celebration; your planned pseudo-Russian revolution will have to wait. Be prepared for the reality that, no matter how strongly you believe in the Comintern, there are very few others on board with you. Get some rest and don’t take your perennial rejection too seriously.

Prepare yourself for the nasty looks and harsh words of working relatives and friends whom you only see around your birthday. Let little jabs and sarcastic comments about your Communist proclivities go. Arguing or getting upset and making drunken or careless remarks at family gatherings won’t solve anything. Save any major discussions about the failure of capitalism for your monthly meetings with other fellow travelers.

Create a placard budget. Financial woes are a major cause of May Day depression and anxiety, especially since you, like most left-wing activists, are probably unemployed and depend on the good graces of your family and friends to have a place to sleep and a warm meal. By disciplining yourself and guarding what little money you can bum off folks at Barnes & Noble, you’ll prevent depression and still have a sign or two you can use for your agitprop marches of futility.

Once in a while wear clothes with colors other than red or black. It’s OK to lose the Birkenstocks, too. Billions of people do it every day all over the world – even in places where the glorious people’s revolution has already occurred. May Day Affective Disorder (MDAD) is a not a real illness unless you want it to be. Buy special anti-MDAD duds to brighten your mood. Talk to your greedy capitalist doctor if your ongoing rage and depression jeopardizes your daily activities, like sleeping or binge drinking.

Drop the holier-than-thou act. Not every person you meet or talk to will immediately agree with your Communist worldview. Your snide pro-collectivist remarks were only “cute” when you were in college sucking up to your sociology professor. May Day is a time to show solidarity with oppressed workers of the world and make lasting watercolor memories of bloody revolution, not proselytize the intractable running dogs into agreeing with you.

This article is a satirical collaboration of The People’s Cube.

Start a conversation using these share links:

Who We Are

The Patriot Post is a highly acclaimed weekday digest of news analysis, policy and opinion written from the heartland — as opposed to the MSM’s ubiquitous Beltway echo chambers — for grassroots leaders nationwide. More

What We Offer

On the Web

We provide solid conservative perspective on the most important issues, including analysis, opinion columns, headline summaries, memes, cartoons and much more.

Via Email

Choose our full-length Digest or our quick-reading Snapshot for a summary of important news. We also offer Cartoons & Memes on Monday and Alexander’s column on Wednesday.

Our Mission

The Patriot Post is steadfast in our mission to extend the endowment of Liberty to the next generation by advocating for individual rights and responsibilities, supporting the restoration of constitutional limits on government and the judiciary, and promoting free enterprise, national defense and traditional American values. We are a rock-solid conservative touchstone for the expanding ranks of grassroots Americans Patriots from all walks of life. Our mission and operation budgets are not financed by any political or special interest groups, and to protect our editorial integrity, we accept no advertising. We are sustained solely by you. Please support The Patriot Fund today!

The Patriot Post and Patriot Foundation Trust, in keeping with our Military Mission of Service, are proud sponsors of the National Medal of Honor Heritage Center, the Congressional Medal of Honor Society, Folds of Honor, Honoring the Sacrifice, Warrior Freedom Service Dogs, Officer Christian Fellowship, the Air University Foundation, the Naval War College Foundation, and the Naval Aviation Museum Foundation.


“Our cause is noble; it is the cause of mankind!” —George Washington

Join us in prayer for our nation, that good and righteous national leaders would rise and prevail, and that division would be healed so we would be united as Americans. We pray also for the protection of our military Patriots, first responders and their families, and comfort for veterans who are suffering.

The Patriot Post is protected speech, as enumerated in the First Amendment and enforced by the Second Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America, in accordance with the endowed and unalienable Rights of All Mankind.

Copyright © 2023 The Patriot Post. All Rights Reserved.

The Patriot Post does not support Internet Explorer. We recommend installing the latest version of Microsoft Edge, Mozilla Firefox, or Google Chrome.