Grassroots Commentary

S.O.S.

Edward J. Brown · Jun. 27, 2013

The Greatest Ship in the Western Fleet christened the U.S. of A, was reported motionless and taking on water on the world’s seas. The Captain is reported to be a Boy Scout who has never commanded a rowboat, let alone a ship of this size. He has told the crew to ignore the water the ship is taking on as it is the result of a sequester approved under his command several months earlier. Anyone not following his every order is to be placed in the brig. The same applies to anyone radioing the ship’s present condition state side.

The ship is running on solar and wind power as nuclear or fossil fuels have been banned due to the effect they have on the environment. Meanwhile nuclear powered Russian, Iranian and Chinese ships in the area have realized just how vulnerable the U.S. of A is. Knowing she cannot return fire due to cuts in the Defense budget, they are firing warning shots across her bow on daily intervals toying with the once invincible ship crippled by the lack of leadership of her present commander. The U.S. of A is heavily loaded with coal being shipped to Chinese electrical plants as it has been banned for use in the U.S. It is hoped that the sales from the coal will help lower the national debt which now stands at $20 trillion. The Captain was last seen leaving the ship in a lifeboat assuring the crew still on board they were in no danger. He would go and speak to the other captains of the foreign ships and ask them to stop firing warning shots. While he is losing the backing of the crew his officers continue to stand behind all of his decisions.

Each day more water builds on the deck as the crew frantically bails out what they can. Between the wind and the solar panels they should have no concerns, but as the weight of the water builds up, the crew wonders how much longer the ship can stay afloat unless there is a change in command and the officers relieved of their posts.

ALERT: U.S. COAST GUARD: 04/JULY/2013. The U.S. of A, the mightiest ship in the Western Fleet sank today blocking the Suez Canal. The Officers managed to commandeer all the lifeboats and are reported safe. The 3.5 billion members of the crew were all lost at sea. The Captain was rescued and made an Admiral in the Muslim navy. You think it could never happen? Never say never.

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