Grassroots Commentary

Marriage Communication

Edward J. Brown · Jul. 1, 2013

Proponents of defining marriage as a union between a man and a woman face a major obstacle. Those who identify faith and church attendance with a successful marriage are dropping in numbers. If we are going to talk the talk, we should also be walking the walk. At the present time 50% of those who describe themselves as church going believers are also divorced church going in some cases believers.

How can we promote marriage, if we have been, or are now plotting getting divorced ourselves? Where same-sex marriage is legal the divorce rate so far is only 5% higher.

Gay men in many cases are willing to remain in their union while also having an average of 8 other partners. Now that the courts recognize LGBT marriages in some states one can predict with a major degree of accuracy that the national divorce rate for all couples will be escalating rapidly in the next few years. While some in same sex marriages are content with their partner, many others only support it as the first step towards public acceptance of Polygamy. All the debating today has as its outcome not marriage, but rather the acceptance of Polygamy and Bigamy.

As a marriage counselor for 43 years, I feel qualified to suggest that there are four reasons divorce has become so popular today even among supporters of traditional marriage. Those reasons are: Communication, Sexual incompatibility, Financial difficulties, and the fact that the couple never thought through what they were getting themselves into.

It only takes a few counseling sessions before the couple realizes there is really only one problem and that is Communication. If a woman feels she is not respected by her husband the thought of intimacy with him turns her off rather than on.

Most couples have no family budget and seldom communicate as to what purchases and financial obligations they can afford to finance. The last category is the couple who are so wrapped up in romantic attraction at the moment they have given no thought to the relationship when that romantic love wears off in the first couple of years. We’ve all heard he has some faults, but I will change him after we’re married. And, all my girl friends were getting married so when this creep came along and proposed I said yes.

Today few couples make time to communicate about their marriage and problems. In many cases both work outside the home and only see each other at dinner time. If children are present they can demand a lot of our time. Many, maybe even most, have never learned how to correctly communicate with each other.

Proponents of traditional marriage could make a more believable argument for it, if they were doing all that’s necessary to have a successful marriage of their own. In a recent poll 41% of the women interviewed felt they could be happier if they didn’t have a husband in their live. With a good paying job and the ability to advance they no longer see a husband as that important. Yet many studies have shown a father can play a major role in their children’s upbringing. As the scriptures say, a father can also complete the mother. A wife can complete her husband.

Put away the I pod, tablet, cell phone, and computer and when a couple can be at home together learn how to communicate with each other. It could be the most important hour in the life of your marriage and your marriage can be much more rewarding when you better understand what the other is feeling and needing. Marriage between a man and a woman can still be rewarding.

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