Burt Prelutsky / Jul. 14, 2011

Hunting for Liberals

Occasionally, I find myself wondering why liberals are so terrified of the Second Amendment. After all, even though most criminals are Democrats, they don't exclusively target Republicans. Liberals are just as likely to be mugged and to have their homes invaded, so why is it that this great divide exists between the Right and the Left on the issue of gun ownership? I have come to suspect it's because liberals realize that in a saner society, we would be encouraged to hunt them for their pelts.

Occasionally, I find myself wondering why liberals are so terrified of the Second Amendment. After all, even though most criminals are Democrats, they don’t exclusively target Republicans. Liberals are just as likely to be mugged and to have their homes invaded, so why is it that this great divide exists between the Right and the Left on the issue of gun ownership? I have come to suspect it’s because liberals realize that in a saner society, we would be encouraged to hunt them for their pelts.

The reason I believe we’re in Libya is because Obama and his minions decided that the enemies of our enemy – in this case, Gaddafi – must be our friends. It was a similar mistake that FDR made during WWII, when he took the Soviet Union to his bosom, ignoring the fact that the biggest difference between Stalin and Hitler was the size of their mustaches.

When Obama attacked “millionaires and billionaires” in the speech in which he seemed to suggest that if we would only get rid of those tax deductions on corporate jets, all of our financial woes would be over, I couldn’t help wondering if any of his millionaire and billionaire chums took his remarks to heart. I mean, Warren Buffet, Ted Turner, Bill Gates, Jeffrey Immelt, George Soros, Barbara Boxer, Steven Spielberg, Dianne Feinstein, Michael Bloomberg, Barbra Streisand, George Clooney, Tom Hanks, Paul McCartney and Oprah Winfrey, are the richest people I can think of off the top of my head, and they are all rabid liberals. Just who the heck was Obama talking about?

In addition to all that, no corporate executive spends nearly as much time jetting around as Obama and his missus, and those two freeloaders don’t even pay for their own soft drinks and honey-roasted peanuts.

Sometimes I wonder how Joe Biden feels about all the work his boss dumps in his lap. While Obama gets to jet around to gala fund-raisers and golf to his heart’s content, there’s good old Joe busy overseeing the 2011 summer of recovering from the 2010 summer of recovery.

A friend of mine who used to reside in San Francisco retired to Arizona, where he went hoping that the dry, clean air and dry, clean people, would help restore his sanity. Living in L.A., as I do, I keep hoping that it’s not already too late to restore my own. Every so often, he and I compare notes regarding the Bay Area dodos and the loons who inhabit my neck of the woods. The major difference, we agree, is that the odd birds in the north tend to nest and mate with those of their own gender, which suggests they could eventually disappear. That, by itself, makes them preferable to their southern cousins.

Finally, I’d like to address those conservatives who write to me insisting that it would be better if Obama gets re-elected than if someone they regard as a RINO garners the GOP nomination. These people reside in a fantasy land where Ronald Reagan is standing in the wings each time we get stuck with a Jimmy Carter clone. They would do well to understand that elections have consequences, which are not always predictable, but are often extremely dire.

But voting for the worst candidate – or staying home while others vote for the worst – while hoping for the best, is not only dumb, but when the risk is four more years of Obama, treasonous.

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