By Jennifer Bauwens

As the calls for unity in this nation grow stronger, it is important to think about how this unity can be achieved. When I survey the U.S. social and political landscape, one key attribute I see missing is empathy. If we wish to be unified, we must learn to love the person with opposing views, even if we hate a policy or behavior that person is promoting. I’ll use an example from my background in counseling.

Early in my counseling career, I worked in a trauma clinic that served women and adolescents who had experienced domestic violence, sexual assault, rape, and other horrific forms of abuse. My clinic was created by grassroots advocates who wanted women to have a safe refuge and a place to heal from the abuse inflicted primarily by male spouses and partners. Most of my colleagues were avid feminists, motivated either by personal experiences with abuse or a desire to support women who were not treated with respect and care.

During my time at this clinic, I led a group for survivors of domestic violence. One of my clients was a Christian woman who worked as a pediatrician. She came to my group after her husband beat her with a baseball bat, nearly killing her. She spent a long time in the hospital recovering, and while she was there, her pastor came to visit her. The pastor looked at her, body casts and all, and said, to my dismay, “Well, you married him, so you’ll have to stay with him.”

Thankfully, my client did not listen to his advice, and she was able to escape a relationship that probably would have killed her.

These types of abusive situations — and the lack of support from the surrounding community — are largely what gave rise to the feminist movement of the 1970s. During this period, there was a renewed understanding of trauma and abuse, an awareness that had gone mostly underground since Sigmund Freud’s time. We now know that Freud initially observed trauma symptoms in his patients that had resulted from incest and abuse. But Freud experienced much social pressure while formulating his observations and eventually changed his theory to accommodate his critics. Nearly a hundred years later, the domestic violence experiences of women and the war trauma of the mostly male Vietnam veterans gave us renewed impetus to understand the effects of trauma.

In politics, we don’t always understand the reasons for a movement and are prone to only address issues at the surface-level. For example, when discussing matters related to feminism, there is a tendency to only focus on some of the issues that have grown out of the movement, like the abortion question, rather than trying to understand the personal experiences or trauma that might have led the other person to hold a particular opinion. A deeper understanding would enable a more comprehensive, empathetic discussion on the underlying issues rather than just the visible outcomes.

As the nation grapples with the idea of unity, I propose that we hold onto truth but with an empathetic listening ear. Let’s make an effort to understand the circumstances that have led a person to hold a particular social or political position. As we listen, let’s ask God for the kind of wisdom and understanding that sets people free. As Proverbs 21:22 says, “A wise man scales the city of the mighty and brings down the trusted stronghold.”

Dr. Jennifer Bauwens is the Director of the Center for Family Studies at Family Research Council.