From The Comedy Store
Washington D.C.’s earthquake prompted an immediate evacuation of all federal office buildings. No one’s hurt. The government came to a complete halt at twelve o’clock noon and by sundown the United States was debt-free and the budget was balanced.
Wall Street jitters returned as the market fell on bad news on new housing starts. The administration isn’t providing good optics. Nothing inspires confidence in the economy like the sight of the President of the United States taking the bus to Sioux City.
Michele Bachmann apologized for wishing Elvis a happy birthday on the date he died. It’s time to move on. Yesterday Michele Bachmann said she was deeply moved by Tuesday’s earthquake and then she congratulated Martin Luther King on his new statue.
New York’s Mercantile Exchange reports the price of gold reached an all-time high of eighteen hundred dollars an ounce. There was panic in the streets. A flash mob spotted Mr. T walking along Hollywood Boulevard and looted him, making off with millions.
President Obama dictated a new immigration policy allowing illegal aliens to stay in the U.S. if they don’t have criminal records. He can’t send them back down there. Mexico’s economy is rebounding and putting people together with jobs is against U.S. policy
The White House announced a relaxed immigration policy which allows illegal aliens to remain in the U.S. without being deported. An administration spokesman said you can’t just move twelve million people to another country. That’s not true, Mexico did it.
Bill Clinton campaigned for heart health Sunday by revealing he has been on a vegan diet for two years. Put him back the way he was. When Bill Clinton indulged in adultery and fried foods, he had a seventy percent approval rating and there was no unemployment.
President Obama bought two fiction books in a Martha’s Vineyard bookstore centered on politics in Louisiana and Chicago. That’s shrewd. A politician with Obama’s poll numbers can never learn enough about how to carry the dead vote in the next election.
Iran sentenced two young American hikers to jail for eight years for crossing the border illegally into Iran because Iran’s judges thinks the two Berkeley graduates are U.S. spies. That’s absurd. The only spies they graduate from Berkeley are Russian spies.
Tripoli residents saw thick black smoke billowing out of Moammar Kadaffi’s compound Tuesday as rebels approached. It happened so fast. The rebels declared victory before President Obama could blame the thick black smoke on British Petroleum or Exxon Mobil.
New York dropped rape charges against French former IMF head Dominique Strauss-Kahn because his accuser was not a credible witness. His wife stood by him throughout the entire humiliating ordeal. Now he has to find a way to get her a U.S. Senate seat.
Washington D.C.‘s earthquake prompted an immediate evacuation of all federal office buildings. No one’s hurt. The government came to a complete halt at twelve o'clock noon and by sundown the United States was debt-free and the budget was balanced.
President Obama interrupted his golf match Tuesday to get on the phone with FEMA for an earthquake damage assessment. Afterwards he spoke to reporters. He expressed total confidence that he could get in another eighteen holes before Hurricane Irene arrives.
The White House vowed to end oil company tax write-offs for the cost of exploring for new oil. It’s no surprise. The modern Democratic Party has two articles of faith, that everyone should make the same amount of money and that the oil will find itself.
© Copyright 2011 Argus Hamilton
