From The Comedy Store
Caroline Kennedy did interviews about her book of Jackie Kennedy’s taped conversations describing life with JFK. The book quotes everything her mother said about her father’s White House infidelities. Bill Clinton just bought Chelsea two yachts and a car.
Labor Secretary Hilda Solis bought a Chevy Equinox to show that she backs U.S. workers. The car is built and assembled in Canada. It helps U.S. workers because every model that comes off the assembly line is loaded up with cheap prescription drugs and shipped to America.
President Obama’s uncle Omar vowed to call the White House after he was arrested for drunken driving near Boston. You have to feel for the poor guy. He’s sitting in jail and the only guy he can call for bail money is fourteen trillion dollars in debt.
The Ronald Reagan Library hosted the GOP debate Wednesday in Simi Valley. They arrived early. Rick Perry bought a Stetson hat from the gift shop, Mitt Romney paid his respects to Nancy, and Michele Bachmann said how wonderful it was to be there at Graceland.
Psychology Today reported on a workplace study that finds that one out of twenty-five bosses is a clinical psychopath. They all lean in that direction. Only someone who’s nuts would open a business and pay for everybody’s health care until their kids turn twenty-six.
President Obama declared that September is National Childhood Obesity Awareness month in a broad hint to school menu planners. Last week Michelle Obama took a separate jet to Martha’s Vineyard and now she’s telling him what to name the months. This is the first time in his presidency he’s looked more like Bill Clinton than Jimmy Carter.
The European Union banned the import of Syrian oil, shocking Americans who never knew Syria had oil. We need to get our eyes checked. We see weapons of mass destruction where they don’t exist and we can’t see oil reserves that are right in front of us.
Labor Day weekend was spoiled when the Labor Department reported the U.S. economy added no new jobs last month. Labor Day weekend is when we celebrate America’s workforce. This is a busy travel day as Americans return from the picnic in India.
Caroline Kennedy did interviews about her book of Jackie Kennedy’s taped conversations describing life with JFK. The book quotes everything her mother said about her father’s White House infidelities. Bill Clinton just bought Chelsea two yachts and a car.
London’s airports installed a lie detection system using a thermal imaging camera and software to detect liars. They finally got the system working again. Three years ago in the testing lab they aimed it at a presidential debate and it almost set the building on fire.
The White House had no comment when President Obama was turned down by five NASCAR drivers whom the president had invited to the White House to promote NASCAR auto races. What was he thinking? They can’t go to a Beer Summit, they’re driving.
Washington Nationals pitcher Stephen Strasburg came back a year after Tommy John surgery to blank the Dodgers Tuesday. The kid was unhittable. President Obama just revealed he’s having all the tendons in his elbow replaced with tissue from Ronald Reagan.
The Ronald Reagan Presidential Library hosted the GOP debate Wednesday in Simi Valley. The place is full of history. The candidates posed for pictures next to a piece of the Berlin Wall and Michele Bachmann vowed that we will get whoever did this.
Robert Redford blasted President Obama for allowing oil drilling off Alaska last week. The rift is real. Robert Redford asked whether or not President Obama is really green, which would be easy to verify if he’d just show everybody his earth certificate.
© Copyright 2011 Argus Hamilton
