The Self-Inflicted Wound
Had she any gasoline, Pam Bondi’s performance before Congress this week would have been an act of self-immolation.
On the night of Sept. 21, 1788, Austrian hussars scouting for the Ottoman Army stumbled upon gypsies who offered them schnapps. The Austrians got drunk, encountered part of their infantry, refused to share the alcohol and a fight broke out. One soldier fired his gun; the rest of the army presumed the Ottomans were attacking and the Austrian General of Artillery thought the Ottoman cavalry was upon them. He ordered the artillery to fire.
The Battle of Karansabas would go down in history as the world’s worst friendly fire incident. Holy Roman Emperor Joseph II, so demoralized from what happened, ordered his soldiers to withdraw. Two days later, the Ottoman Army finally showed up and found dead and wounded Austrian soldiers everywhere. Joseph II and his Generals could at least thank God that Pam Bondi had yet been born or the self-inflicted wounds would have undoubtedly been worse.
Bondi served as Florida’s Attorney General from 2011 to 2019. She left office and took a well-paid position as a lobbyist for Qatar before moving on to defend President Donald Trump in his 2019 impeachment trial. In 2025, after Senate Republicans made clear the antisemite and botoxed moral deviant Matt Gaetz would never be confirmed as Attorney General, Trump chose Bondi.
Bondi, within months of her confirmation, invited pro-Trump social media gadflies to the White House after announcing on Fox News that she had the list of Jeffrey Epstein clients. Bondi’s zealousness on the Epstein issue paved the way for where we are. The gadflies got a special briefing on Epstein and were given white binders, with which they cheerfully posed outside the White House. Inside the binders was all the old information about Epstein that had long been public. Bondi had nothing new. But it set off a wave of accusations, recriminations and embarrassments for the FBI, Department of Justice and the President of the United States, leading to a fight in Congress to release all the documents, which Bondi has been incompetently releasing ever since.
On Wednesday, the Attorney General sat before the House Judiciary Committee and engaged in a shouting match with Rep. Jamie Raskin, the ranking Democrat on the committee. He asked why Bondi had not indicted anyone on the Epstein files. Bondi’s answer was, and I quote, “The Dow, the Dow right now is over — the Dow is over $50,000. I don’t know why you’re laughing, you’re a great stock trader as I hear, Raskin — the Dow is over $50,000 right now. The S&P at almost $7,000 and the NASDAQ smashing records. Americans’ 401(k)s and retirement savings are booming. That’s what we should be talking about!” Bondi yelled her answer as an old man might order someone off his lawn. She also referred to Rep. Raskin as a “washed-up loser lawyer.”
In 2016, talking to Howard Stern, actress Tina Fey said, “I always like it when someone is articulate at these things, because let’s face it, actors are very stupid.” In the same way, in 2019, Sir Anthony Hopkins sat for an interview with Brad Pitt and said, “I don’t have any opinions. Actors are pretty stupid. My opinion is not worth anything.” Actors themselves very frequently acknowledge that actors are stupid.
Unfortunately for America, President Trump decided to choose people from central casting who looked the part, more than fit the role. When one goes to central casting, one does not often find the best and brightest. One might wind up with a puppy killer at Homeland Security and Bondi at the Justice Department.
Before Congress yesterday, the Attorney General played the role of insult and drama queen for an audience of one back at the White House. Had she any gasoline, her performance would have been an act of self-immolation, impressive even to the most committed Buddhist monk. She should resign or be fired after that ridiculous performance. Before her defenders insist she must be smart because she went to law school, I would remind them, to quote another famous law school graduate and recent vice president, that “we can see what is possible unburdened by what has been.” What is possible is a more competent Attorney General.
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