Quick, hide under the covers. The nation’s storyteller, Barack Obama, unveiled a frightening new fable on the Internet intended to scare women away from supporting fiscal conservatives in November. But as is increasingly common with Obama’s social media propaganda initiatives, “The Life of Julia” immediately flopped.

Why? Because 1) self-sufficient women voters aren’t as sheeple-ish as Democratic strategists make them out to be, 2) conservative activists are overtaking Obama’s zombie army online, 3) non-delusional Americans don’t want cradle-to-grave utopians turning their country into the next Greece or Spain, and 4) responsible grownups are getting sick and tired of radical Saul Alinsky-style tall tales from the progressive Pied Piper.

Using snazzy graphics and interactive slideshow features, BarackObama.com spins a glowing narrative of imaginary Julia’s life from age 3 to 67. But “Julia” is a pathetic figment of the progressive imagination. She simply cannot function without the lifelong intervention of federal patriarchs.

Instead of two parents preparing her for school, Obama credits Head Start bureaucrats with ensuring that Julia is “ready to learn and succeed” in kindergarten.

Instead of individual teachers, private mentors, home-school organizers or charter school leaders, Obama extols his federal Race to the Top program for implementing the high school “classes she needs to do well” in college.

Instead of thrift-minded families who save for their own kids’ higher educations (or who opt for non-college alternatives) and who encourage those kids to work in private-sector summer jobs, Obama praises his “opportunity tax credit” and Pell Grants for putting Julia through college.

Instead of acknowledging how costly Obamacare mandates have caused individual-market health care insurers to drop plans altogether, Obama promotes the government-manufactured umbilical cord tethering “children” like Julia to their parents’ health care plans until age 26.

Instead of accepting that the costs and consequences of a woman’s sexual choices should be a matter of personal responsibility, Big Daddy Obama heralds his religious liberty-crushing birth control/abortion mandate for allowing Julia to “focus on her work instead of worrying about her health.”

Despite the fact that most private health care plans already covered maternal screenings, prenatal care and related screenings before Obamacare passed, the president attributes Julia’s pregnancy well-being to the law.

And it’s not local sovereignty or financial discipline that results in better schools for Julia’s new son, “Zachary.” Nope. It’s Obama’s “investments” in education and “programs like Race to the Top.” (Is there nothing Race to the Top can’t do?)

“Under President Obama,” the campaign web feature then crows, “Julia starts her own web business. She qualifies for a Small Business Administration loan, giving her the money she needs to invest in her business. President Obama’s tax cuts for small businesses like Julia’s help her to get started. She’s able to hire employees, creating new jobs in her town and helping to grow the local economy.”

In the real world, according to Dun and Bradstreet, the SBA supported fewer than 62,000 small business loans: a measly 0.2 percent of the nation’s 27.5 million small businesses. The vast majority of entrepreneurs get their start without the SBA’s “help” and want only one thing: for Obama and his wealth-confiscators to leave them the heck alone.

As soon as Obama publicized “The Life of Julia” on the web, conservative activists swarmed Twitter to provide real-world counter-narratives. “I’m no Julia,” one wrote. “As a small-business owner I’m being taxed to death. I need the (government) to get out of my way and let me make money.” Another young conservative female tweeted: “As a woman business owner I’m offended that POTUS thinks I need him to survive and thrive.” Conservative writer Kemberlee Kaye added: “What the Julia example really shows is the Democrat ideal. Complete and total reliance on the government.”

My story? I’ve founded three web ventures over the past eight years without a penny of taxpayer money or government venture socialism. We free-market-centered small-business women can “grow the local economy” and raise our children and improve our schools just fine without the meddling, patriarchal hand of President Obama taking credit for our every last success.

After hyperventilating for months about the Republican “war on women,” Democratic new-media gurus inadvertently have exposed the real Barack Obama: a chauvinistic control freak who would tether every last woman and child to his ever-expanding, budget-busting Nanny State.

Mamas, for the sake of your family’s freedom and our republic’s survival, don’t let your babies grow up to be “Julia.”

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