From The Comedy Store
Native Americans vowed to push President Obama to back up his stated opposition to the Redskins nickname. As usual, he overspoke. It didn’t advance the cause when he promised that if the Indians like their medicine man, they get to keep their medicine man.
Native Americans vowed to push President Obama to back up his stated opposition to the Redskins nickname. As usual, he overspoke. It didn’t advance the cause when he promised that if the Indians like their medicine man, they get to keep their medicine man.
The White House sent Hellfire missile drones to Iraq after al-Qaeda forces captured Fallujah. It’s a graduated response. If the drones don’t halt the advance of the al-Qaeda insurgents, President Obama has threatened to set up a website to slow them down.
The Coast Guard sent an icebreaker to rescue the global warming tourist cruise ship that got stuck in the ice on expedition near Antarctica. It set back the case made by the global warming crowd daily. Animal Planet would have you believe that the ice cap is melting so fast the the penguin mating ritual has been reduced to insincere chit-chat in the hot tub.
The Weather Channel reported record low temperatures in the United States from Minnesota all the way down south to the Gulf Coast. Many of America’s interior waterways were frozen solid. It’s so cold in Tennessee that Al Gore is sticking to his theory.
O.J. Simpson sent a public request to the White House asking President Obama to include him on his annual pardon list. It’s a miracle. Last week at church, President Obama asked the Lord to show him a way to get everyone to stop talking about Obamacare.
J.P. Morgan agreed to pay two billion dollars for its part as the bank for Wall Street swindler Bernie Madoff. He used money from older investors to pay off newer investors and then skimmed off the top. It’s a federal crime to impersonate Social Security.
President Obama flew back to Washington but his wife Michelle remained behind in Hawaii. The White House said it’s part of her birthday present. You can tell that a marriage needs a little refreshing when time apart is considered a birthday present.
Dennis Rodman flew to North Korea with former NBA players to play North Korea’s team on Kim Jung Un’s birthday. Kim’s uncle was just executed for partying. Before boarding the plane, Dennis was seen clipping his nose hairs for that last little bit of cocaine.
North Korea hosted a basketball game featuring Dennis Rodman and one-time NBA players Wednesday. They’ll return with a new appreciation for liberty. The NBA players couldn’t believe they were in a nation where they were free from child support payments.
Dennis Rodman went on an incoherent rant at a press conference in North Korea while professing his friendship for dictator Kim Jung Un. No one understood a word he said. It proved that the North Koreans can make alcohol out of crickets and dirt.
NSA leaker Edward Snowden asked for asylum in Brazil while he sought whistleblower protection in the U.S. so he can return home. You cannot prosecute people for embarrassing the United States. If that were true Joe Biden would be serving life in prison.
Robert Gates wrote in his memoir that Joe Biden’s been wrong about every major foreign policy issue for forty years. He listed how the vice president has been wrong about everything. The question is, when is Bob Gates going to realize that funny isn’t free?
Judy Woodruff interviewed a State Department official who said President Obama is set to close Guantanamo prison soon. Reaction split predictably. MSNBC called it a human rights victory while Fox News said under Obama even the terrorists are losing their homes.
© Copyright 2013 Argus Hamilton
