There are still people who think the actors make up the dialogue in movies and on TV. I’m sure they know there are writers in the vicinity, but I suppose they figure writers only come up with the basic storyline and then get out of the way.

I know these people exist because when I broke into television, my own parents weren’t sure what exactly I was doing on Dragnet and MASH.

I thought of this because the other day, one of my readers wrote in defense of Tucker Carlson after I had observed he has shown a tendency to ignore the openings he gets from his liberal guests. Since he only has them on in order to ridicule these proponents of open borders and sanctuary cities, it always surprises me when he doesn’t take advantage of the more obvious cues they provide him.

My critic let me know, “The big difference between what you do for a living and what Tucker Carlson does for a living is that he says what he says and can’t take it back or correct the spelling or change the content. Folks like you can make corrections before your thoughts go to final printing.”

In response, I wrote: “There’s another difference you neglected to mention. He has a huge staff at Fox News to do his research and anything else he wants done. He also knows ahead of time who his guests are and what they are likely to say. After all, whether their pet topic is abortion, same-sex marriages or transgender bathrooms, that’s why they’ve been invited on in the first place. If Tucker’s not prepared for the nonsense they’ll be spewing, it’s his own fault.

"Believe me, it is far more difficult to be a guest than a host. As a guest, and I’ve often been one on radio shows, I know what I’m talking about. Not being a one-trick pony, unlike the folks Carlson invites on to provide him with target practice, I had no idea what I was going to be asked and, because of my checkered past, it could be my opinion of the tax code, our policy in the Middle East or being asked what Alan Alda was really like.”

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I feel sorry for the parents of 18- and 19-year-olds. Even if they know that by sending their sprouts off to college, they are offering them up as sacrificial lambs to left-wing indoctrinators, they feel they’re failing in their paternal and maternal obligations if they don’t pony up a king’s ransom in the form of tuition. Even though they’re aware of the fact that within a year or two, their kids will view them as dinosaurs who are so out of line with modern civilization that they still believe that marriage should involve one man and one woman; that bathrooms should be separate but equal; and that an abortion is not the equivalent of having a mole removed; parents will feel obliged to do the right thing even if, deep down, they know it’s the wrong thing.

Just in case they’ve failed to notice what is happening on college campuses because they’ve been too busy earning enough money to maintain professors and college administrators in the style to which they have become accustomed, I have a couple of bulletins to share.

At UC Davis, the Student Senate has voted to have the American flag removed from their meetings because they regard it as a symbol of slavery and warmongering.

At Clemson, they’ve introduced a course promoting the belief that if you expect people to be punctual, you’re a racist. That’s because some cultures have a lackadaisical, que sera sera, attitude when it comes to such things.

It does make me wonder, though, if students are marked down if they show up late for class or, better yet, finals. If they didn’t show up at all, wouldn’t they deserve to receive an A+, having shown how well they’ve assimilated the multicultural propaganda?

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I have previously confessed to being of two minds when it comes to the abortion franchise known as Planned Parenthood. Although I regard the procedure to be an abomination, I have to acknowledge that the overwhelming majority of lives the organization blots out every year are potential Democrats.

I do confess that it never made sense to me that the Pro-Choice crowd, especially the women of NOW, have promoted something that victimizes women while freeing up men to have as much recreational sex as they like with no fear of being saddled with a dependent for the next 18 years.

One would even assume that men were behind the abortion-on-demand movement, but I know men, and, for the most part, we’re not that clever.

We have all heard that communism is two lions and a lamb deciding what to have for dinner. Abortions aren’t that different, except that it’s a woman and a guy, who shredded his Hippocratic Oath as soon as he got his medical license, out-voting a baby.

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A guy named Bert sent me a very timely joke: It seems a man walks into a restaurant with his young son. He gives the boy three nickels to keep him occupied while he checks out the menu. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and turning blue in the face.

The boy’s father realizes his son has swallowed the nickels and starts pounding on his back. The child coughs up two of the nickels, but he keeps choking. The father calls for help.

A well-dressed, serious-looking, woman, in a blue business suit, is sitting nearby. She sets aside her newspaper, puts down her coffee cup, gets up and walks over.

When she reaches the boy, she pulls down his pants and starts to squeeze his little testicles.

After a few seconds, the boy lets out a yelp and coughs up the third nickel, which the woman catches in her free hand.

She hands the nickel to the father and returns to her table.

As soon as he confirms that his son is okay, the father rushes over to thank her. “I’ve never seen anyone do that before. It was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”

“No,” she replies, “I’m with the IRS.”

I know that I have claimed to often spot a punchline from afar, but I didn’t see this one coming. But I insist that’s because I was blindsided when she gave the father back his nickel.