As you may recall, I recently asked what you folks might want to change about your lives if you had the opportunity to re-do certain events.

The first thing I noticed about the dozen or so responses I received is that all but two were from men. The second thing I noticed is that, although men are thought to be work-oriented, the majority had nothing to do with careers, but, instead, involved personal relationships.

I’m not sure what it means, except, perhaps, that women are less reluctant to cry over spilt milk than men. Or, perhaps, they simply don’t care to share their regrets with a stranger.

In any case, the first reader I heard from was Stephen Hanover of Doylestown, Pennsylvania: “Burt, in answer to your question about what I would do differently is that I would pay more attention to the opportunities that I let pass by. Regrets are painful in that generally speaking there’s nothing you can do about them. The old Amish proverb comes to mind, "We become too soon oldt, and too late schmart.”

When I asked for specifics, he responded: “I was a very good baseball player, but I didn’t have a mentor (or father), so the spirit waned. I found out later at school reunions that some very attractive girls wondered why I never asked them out.

"I spent six indifferent years in college without knowing what I wanted to do, thereby pursuing nothing of applicable value. Summing up, I’ve had a decent life but it could and should have been so much more productive. I think it was Thoreau who said, ‘Most men lead lives of quiet desperation.’”

I assured Mr. Hanover that it was indeed Thoreau. I added: “Speaking of which, I’m not sure if I have ever read such a boring book, at least not one as short, as his achingly dull memoir, "Walden.”

· Howard Last of Cheyenne, Wyoming, wrote to say: “I moved to Wyoming from the People’s Republik of New York in 2005. I bought land and had a house built about 12 miles from the shopping center in the city of Cheyenne. I am in the County, but it is the Cheyenne post office. The subdivision I am in has a 7 ½ acre minimum lot size. I should have bought land about 10 miles further NW of Cheyenne as it is getting too crowded here, especially this week as it is Cheyenne Frontier Days, the 10-day rodeo.”

· Ron Duntley of Fallon, Nevada, bemoans the fact that he didn’t listen to his mother 65 years ago and “continued with piano lessons. Mom said if I didn’t practice, she couldn’t continue paying a dollar a lesson. I wish I had listened.”

Alas, too soon oldt, too late schmart.

· Carol Covert of Chapin, South Carolina, let me know that if she knew then what she knows now, she would have spent a lot more time with her younger sister “and made sure I was there for her during the many times she needed my protection and help.”

I wrote back, asking whether her sister was still alive and whether she’d had a chance to make amends.

“She is still alive but is now recovering from lymphoma and dealing with a recent diagnosis of COPD. We now have a great relationship! I just wish we lived closer together.”

· Ralph Irish of Shelby Township, Michigan, regrets that although he received his high school diploma, “It only proved my attendance and that I got minimal grades. Some of the grades were gifts and the diploma was also something of a gift.

"I bluffed my way through a number of classes and rarely did homework or assigned reading. Some of the work penetrated my thick head through osmosis and made it all the way to my brain.”

· Lynne Barber of Grand Rapids, Michigan, writes that her greatest dream was to be happily married, “which I was until three different husbands divorced me. With that said, my greatest regret in life is that I didn’t learn to swim. As a child, I almost drowned two or three times, once while taking swimming lessons at a school, and have never gotten over my fear of being in the water. My most successful accomplishment with my children was that they all learned to swim.”

· Jay Lehr of Ostrander, Ohio, claims that when he was 20 and in college, he heard a radio ad suggesting that listeners invest in some company so they’d have enough money to enjoy their golden years. “In those days, your golden age began at 65 and it was rare that people were still healthy enough to enjoy those golden years. I decided then that my goal was to be happy every day and never to take a job just for the money if I did not think I would love it, and to save no money for old age, but instead stay healthy enough to always be able to work even if it meant being a greeter at Walmart. I have made no important decisions that I regret save not buying a nice piece of land and once knocking a fellow down in an ice hockey game who did not deserve it.”

I happen to know for a fact that Mr. Lehr, who is even older than I am, not only talks the talk and walks the walk, but is still parachuting out of airplanes and riding his unicycle in Ostrander’s annual 4th of July parade.

· Al Moon of Hayfork, California, tells a tale that began 45 years ago when he was simultaneously dating two women whom he’d met a few weeks apart, both of them named Madeleine. One of them called herself Maddie. When the two ladies found out about each other, they each demanded that Al dump the other one. Mainly because Maddie asked him to move in, whereas Madeleine sought something more in the way of a commitment, Al chose Maddie. He later heard that Madeleine had moved to another city and was engaged to be married.

Two years later, he and Maddie had split up and Al was sleeping on a friend’s couch. Soon thereafter, the friend bumped into Madeleine, who had moved back to town without ever getting married. She asked the friend to give Al her phone number and tell him to call.

They once again began dating. Madeleine admitted being hurt when Al chose to move in with Maddie but didn’t harbor any resentment.

Making a long story short, in mid-August, Al and Madeleine will celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. “Second chances are great,” he concluded, “if you can get them. Did I learn something from the earlier failed relationship that later saved the second one? Who knows? Woulda-coulda-shouldas, are just that. Nothing more.”

· Don Melquist of Green Valley, Arizona, makes his regret short and sweet: “I should never have gotten a divorce from my ex-wife, Barbara.” Perhaps, I should have said short and bittersweet.

· Eric Hunter of Montgomery, Alabama, confesses that “Given a second chance, I would have graduated from college. I quit halfway through my Senior year, so I could pursue my life’s ambition of writing novels. I know it’s still available to me and pursuable now, and I’m toying with it, but I should have gone whole hog at it like Ken Follett, James Patterson, Tom Clancy, John Grisham and Clive Cussler.”

Mr. Hunter, in case you might be wondering, is V.P. of a construction company, so at least he’s constructing buildings if not — at least at present — plotlines.

· Martin Lave of Homer Glen, Illinois: “As you suggested, asking ourselves as we’ve aged what we might have done differently, is a question that has frequently occurred to me. However, like in ‘It’s a Wonderful Life,’ I have come to the realization that much of one’s life is intertwined with the lives of others.

"For example, I met my first wife where I was employed in the mid-70s. We had two sons. One son now has two children. Subsequently, as Somerset Maugham allegorically points out in ‘Of Human Bondage,’ life is an oriental carpet. The designs are woven in a random pattern. Like life, if you undid the rug and remade it using the same material, you would get a different pattern. Think about that. One small change on any part of the timeline of your life would have major ramifications on the lives of others. That cause and effect is a very heavy responsibility to ponder.

"So, the question becomes if you could do it, WOULD you do it? Your wife (wives), grandchildren, friends, pets, would all be impacted in some way. So, would I do it? The answer is no, I would not.”

· Patrick Miano of Phoenix, Arizona, perhaps the last of the great Italian romantics, replied: “My only regret is that I didn’t propose to my wife six months earlier than I did.”

I think the takeaway from all this is that life is what happens while you’re making other plans, and you’d be wise to make the best of it and not waste too much time wondering what-if.