Toyota Motors launched a new set of TV commercials assuring car buyers the company is sparing no expense ensuring safe new cars. The automaker caught a lucky break. Americans can’t be mad at the Prius and the oil company at the same time.

Louisiana shrimp boat operators stated that the industry has taken a huge hit from the BP disaster this month. This entire oil spill could cheat Southerners out of their fair share of Social Security. Less fresh shrimp means more fried chicken.

President Obama refused comment three times on the arrest of Russian spies in the U.S. He stayed cool. The president didn’t want to talk about the arrest of Russian secret agents because he’s really only comfortable talking about himself.

Russian billionaire and New Jersey Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov met with LeBron James last week. It didn’t last very long. LeBron James had no knowledge of any U.S. defense installations in the greater Cleveland area, much less how to break into them.

BP pointed out that the oil spill has resulted in thousands of new jobs in the Gulf. They have every right to brag. It just shows a private company can create more jobs when it’s screwing up than a government can when it’s firing on all cylinders.

The L.A. Times said last week that California welfare recipients have used their welfare ATM cards to withdraw five million dollars from ATMs at casinos. The problem can’t be avoided. If you can’t use your welfare card at a liquor store you have to go where the drinks are free.

The DNC proposed four cities to host the Democratic Convention in four years. They’re Charlotte, Cleveland, Minneapolis and St. Louis. Democrats want to be sure they hold the convention in a state that’s not going to secede and embarrass them.

President Obama said in a speech that the U.S.-Mexico border was more secure than in twenty years. That’s to his credit. When his stimulus bill failed to create any jobs last year he had no idea it was just as good as sealing the border.

Joe Biden survived mortar fire in the U.S. Embassy in Iraq Sunday. He was urging the rivals to find common ground and it worked. At the end of the visit the vice president and the two rivals conducted a joint news conference and blamed George Bush.

President Obama blamed the previous administration for the huge budget deficit Monday which could force him to raise taxes next year. It may be time to panic. As long as you still have a healthy spare kidney, President Obama thinks you are rich.

Hispanics asked Major League Baseball to move the 2011 All- Star Game out of Phoenix to protest Arizona’s new immigration law. The law complicates the game. A coach has to make sure that a player’s papers are in order before he flashes the steal sign.

President Obama made a recess appointment of socialist Dr. Don Berwick to head Medicare. He wants the life expectancy of rich and poor to be the same. That means giving expensive medicine to the poor and cutting the rich down to nine holes per day.

The European Union banned Iran Air’s jetliners from flying to Europe Wednesday because of safety concerns. The concerns are very real. The airline is in so much debt that their planes could be shot down by the bondholders for the insurance money.

© Copyright 2010 Argus Hamilton

Argus Hamilton is the host comedian at The Comedy Store in Hollywood and speaks to groups and organizations around the country. E-mail him at [email protected].