No one is ever prepared for the wild ride of parenting. Most have become disconnected from what the traditional nuclear family once was — namely, mom was the homemaker, dad was the provider, and the kids were, to some extent, involved with caring for their siblings. Today, we have so many family dynamics that it seems parenting has become a detriment, not a positive.

Within the trenches of parenthood is motherhood, and that in itself is another wild ride, especially in today’s culture with the presence of the Internet and social media. Thinking back to previous generations of mothers and grandmothers, they somehow always knew what to do. They didn’t consult the “experts” on the Web. Rather, they used their intuition and relied on knowledge passed down from previous generations.

In today’s motherhood culture, it seems the mother can no longer make a decision based on her intuition alone. Instead, she needs to consult the Internet. The problem with consulting the “experts” or social media influencers is that they don’t always get it right. In fact, some are incentivized to provide misleading information. Unfortunately, though, many mothers will follow their advice even if it doesn’t feel right.

Even outside of the culture of motherhood, we live in a time when presenting new information that may challenge your current opinions and beliefs is challenging. Obviously, no one likes the feeling of being wrong and having to admit that to themselves or others, but this feels like a punch to the gut when you are a mother. The immense feeling of guilt a mother feels when she realizes that she made the wrong decision is painful. And this is where political correctness and self-censorship come into play.

One of the most popular phrases among motherhood spheres, whether it’s in person or on social media, is “mom-shaming.” Mom-shaming is defined as shaming or judging a mother for her parenting choices. On the surface, mom-shaming seems mean and unnecessary, but it has turned into not ever questioning anything a mother does because it causes her discomfort.

In today’s motherhood spheres, when evidence-based information is presented that may challenge a mother’s decisions, you are likely to get a visceral reaction. Again, this makes sense because it’s difficult to come to the realization that maybe we didn’t make the best decision for our children, but it has come to the point where mothers are canceling each other and calling others mom-shamers anytime they become uncomfortable. Quite frankly, it’s ridiculous.

An example of this is Instagram health food influencer Gretchy, who got “canceled” for making her children goldfish crackers from scratch. In her viral reel, Gretchy explains that she values quality food over convenience food, but that doesn’t mean her kids miss out on today’s popular processed snacks like goldfish crackers. Her reel didn’t criticize or condemn anyone who chooses different eating habits for their children, but that didn’t stop other moms from telling Gretchy that she was mom-shaming them.

It’s a fact that processed foods are unhealthy and can cause health problems. Studies aren’t needed to tell us that niacin, monocalcium phosphate, riboflavin, and thiamine mononitrate aren’t ingredients naturally found in food.

Another area where visceral reactions are expected is pregnancy and birth. Often, mothers who choose to give birth to their baby outside of the current medical model get labeled as “mom-shamers” for even sharing their home birth or unmedicated birth experience. A comment that these mothers often get is, “You don’t get a trophy for a natural birth, so just take the drugs.”

It’s a fact that when a baby is in utero, traces of whatever medications the mother takes will reach her baby via the placenta. We don’t need studies to know that local anesthetics like Novocain mixed with opioids like fentanyl, hydromorphone, or sufentanil can affect a baby in utero.

The visceral reactions lead many to preface their dissenting opinions with unnecessary phrases like, “Every mom does things differently,” or, “Do what’s best for your mental health.” Even worse, the reactions cause many to self-censor and withhold their opinion out of fear of being called a mom-shamer.

It’s awful to realize that your parenting choices may not have been the best, and it’s natural to feel angry and uncomfortable (I have been there), but it’s unnecessary to project those feelings onto those who are simply presenting a different worldview. This may be a tall ask for now, but maybe one day, we’ll drop the toxic phrase of “mom-shaming” altogether.