Non Compos Mentis

“The pun ‘good jeans’ activates a troubling historical associations [sic] for this country. The American eugenics movement … weaponized the idea of good genes to justify white supremacism.” —Kean University professor Robin Landa regarding Sydney Sweeney’s jeans collaboration with American Eagle

“The advertisement, the choice of Sweeney as the sole face in it and the internet’s reaction reflect an unbridled cultural shift toward whiteness, conservatism and capitalist exploitation.” —MSNBC’s Hannah Holland

Spin Doctor

“The posts that we’ve seen do not depict the entire incident. That is one version of what occurred. At times, social media and mainstream media and their commentaries are misrepresentations of the circumstances surrounding any given event.” —Cincinnati Police Chief Teresa A. Theetge desperately trying to spin the racial attacks in her city

Make It Make Sense

“CNN: NYC shooter is ‘possibly white.’ TRANSLATION: NYC shooter is ‘hopefully white.’” —Glenn Beck

“Democrats: If you ban abortions, abortions will just happen illegally. Also Democrats: If you ban guns, we will all be safe from gun violence.” —Kristan Hawkins

Shot/Chaser

“Never in our lifetimes have we seen a president use the levers of power so transparently to personally enrich himself and his inner circle. That never happens in America.” —Senate Democrat Leader Chuck Schumer

“Fact check: Donald Trump is the only person in at the least the last three decades who actually became poorer as a result of serving as President of the United States.” —Greg Price

Make America Safe Again

“70% of people we’re arresting are criminals. … Who are the other 30%? The other 30% are national security threats, like [the arrests of] over 300 Iranian nationals. These are people who are national security threats based on intelligence, based on other information; these are people we have to take off the street, that we have to deport.” —border czar Tom Homan

For the Record

“What is happening in Gaza is the horrific collateral damage that comes when one combatant — in this case, the aggressors of Hamas — attack another combatant — in this case, Israel — and the aggressors refuse to raise the white flag. It is the aggressors’ fault that the flag is now a deep ruby red, stained with the blood of innocent Gazan children. … Palestinians are not being murdered because they are Palestinians. They are being killed because their leaders want Israel to disappear into the sea.” —Christine Flowers

The Art of the Deal

“It’s one thing that President Trump so often surprises political opponents who underestimate him at election time and don’t understand his appeal. What’s more remarkable is Trump seems to defy the very laws of economics — or rather, the law as laid down by economists.” —Daniel McCarthy

And Last…

“We don’t need more gun control. We need more idiot control.” —Sen. John Kennedy