Hot Air

“Pets have a pretty sizable climate impact. But not all carbon…pawprints…are created equal. So if you’re looking to get a pet, which ones emit the least? And if you’ve already got one, how do you make sure it has the smallest foot (or paw) print?” —Associated Press

What Could Possibly Go Wrong?

“Tuesday was nice, but we’ve got a lot of work to do. And your task is going to be not to impose litmus tests. We had Abigail Spanberger win and we had Zohran Mandani win, and they are all part of a vision for the future.” —Barack Obama

Spin Doctor

“The Republican Party has done such a good job propagandizing that if you need anything from the government, you’re a lazy piece of s**t … when really the parasites and the parasitic people in the country are the billionaires.” —podcaster Jennifer Welch

A World of Pure Imagination

“Trump is in charge of the White House. He’s actually speaker of the House these days, as he alleges himself. And he’s pretty much in control of the Senate. He could stop this shutdown right now. … He’s choosing to inflict the most pain possible.” —Sen. Jacky Rosen

Straight From the Horse’s Mouth

“I think that there is no reason to surrender now.” —Sen. Richard Blumenthal on the government shutdown

Upright

“There ought to be one rule for everybody. If federal workers aren’t getting paid, neither should Members of Congress.” —Sen. John Kennedy

Political Futures

“In [last] week’s election, Republicans finally grasped the purpose of the pre-election shutdown. It was designed to galvanize key constituencies to get out the vote in a low-turnout year.” —Victor Davis Hanson

“Unless Republicans get more serious about advancing an actionable economic agenda to provide real relief to middle- and working-class Americans, they risk losing even more ground in next year’s midterm elections.” —Josh Hammer

Somber Words

“The hundreds of my friends that gave their lives — for what? A country of today? No, I’m sorry. The sacrifice wasn’t worth the result.” —100-year-old WWII veteran Alec Penstone on the state of modern Britain

Belly Laughs of the Day

“Republicans will remember [Pelosi] as one of the most successful and prolific day traders. … What a blow for the financial houses today on Wall Street.” —Scott Jennings

“I want Trump to put [Pelosi] in charge of the Social Security Administration. We could all retire in six months.” —Scott Jennings