The BIG Lie: “Schools are meant to be safe — they are sites of growth and development for young people. But as of 2013, the United States has averaged nearly one school shooting per week.” —abortion mill Planned Parenthood, which not only lies about school shootings but has ensured that millions of babies are unable to attend these “sites of growth and development for young people”

For the record: “Interesting fact: Planned Parenthood has killed 330,000 more children than the NRA in the past year.” —Matt Walsh

Braying Jenny: “The Trump administration’s [immigration] raids were a shocking abuse of law enforcement power. Yet again, the White House has reached into our communities to indiscriminately detain scores of hard-working, law-abiding immigrants. … This raid was intended solely to terrorize innocent immigrant families and instill fear in the hearts of our communities — not to keep Americans safe.” —Nancy Pelosi, upset that Trump is enforcing the law

Braying Jackass: “I don’t think you can go too far. I think that I’m still doing a comedy show and I need to be funny and entertain my audience but I also think we’ve matured enough to the point where we can accept late-night talk-show hosts speaking about a serious subject, and I think that it’s almost necessary now.” —Jimmy Kimmel

Irony alert: “I say this as a former Secretary of State and as an American: the Russians are still coming. Our intelligence professionals are imploring Trump to act. Will he continue to ignore & surrender, or protect our country?” —Hillary Clinton, who used Russia to fill her coffers

Alpha Jackass: “Jews were responsible for all of this filth and degenerate behavior that Hollywood is putting out, turning men into women and women into men. … White folks are going down.” —Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan, friend of Barack Obama and Keith Ellison

Late-night humor: “Former President Obama recently said at a private speech that people didn’t hear about the drama in his White House. Like the time Joe Biden spilled Four Loko on the Constitution.” —Seth Meyers