The Gipper: “It has been said that politics is the second oldest profession. I have learned that it bears a striking resemblance to the first.”

Federalism: “For [teachers] who are capable, [being armed] is one solution that can and should be considered. … Every state and every community is going to address this issue in a different way.” —Education Secretary Betsy DeVos

Broken clock… “If we could avoid a nuclear confrontation with North Korea, that would be a wonderful achievement. It’s good we’re going to be talking to them.” —Jimmy Carter (That depends on the conditions and results, of course.)

Huh? “Donald Trump, again, he just makes a decision on tariffs because of Hope Hicks, and he makes a decision on North Korea because of Stormy Daniels. And people can deny that all they want, but if you’re doing that, you’re in the tank for Donald Trump, because it’s painfully obvious that that is what’s going on.” —MSNBC’s Joe Scarborough

Alpha Jackass: “I have had two children; I was old enough, when I became pregnant, that it made sense to do the testing for Down syndrome. … I can say without hesitation that … I would have terminated those pregnancies had the testing come back positive. … The evidence is clear that most women confronted with the same unhappy alternative would make the same decision.” —The Washington Post’s Ruth Marcus in a piece titled, “I would’ve aborted a fetus with Down syndrome. Women need that right.”

Non Compos Mentis: “Hanging on and hoping for the best is certainly one approach to rescuing the best of liberalism from its discontents, but my answer is admittedly more ambitious: It’s time to give socialism a try.” —The Washington Post’s Elizabeth Bruenig

And last… “Obama restores trade to Cuba, lifts sanctions: HERO! Obama trades 5 terrorists to Taliban: HERO! Obama gives Iran billions & nuke deal: HERO! Trump meets Un: I CAN’T BELIEVE POTUS IS DEALING WITH A MURDERER WHO OPPRESSES HIS OWN PEOPLE.” —Twitter satirist @hale_razor