Upright: “As long as I am President, I will defend the sovereignty, safety, and security of the American People, and fight for an immigration system that serves the national interests of the United States and its citizens. Our country will always be safe, secure, and protected on my watch.” —Donald Trump

Friendly fire: “Dear liberals, you won’t beat Trump by banning his staff from restaurants, threatening his son with pedophiles, abusing his wife or harassing his Cabinet off the streets — you’ll just get him re-elected.” —Piers Morgan

Non Compos Mentis: “I never in a million years thought I would sit here or anywhere and say this, but the difference now between Venezuela and Cuba and the United States is this: Venezuela and Cuba are the countries without internment camps for babies and toddlers.” —MSNBC’s Steve Schmidt

Braying Jackass: “[Neil] Gorsuch really should not be on the Supreme Court. He may be there, but he’s not there properly. … Gorsuch has just done what his paymasters sent him there to do. It’s a shame.” —Rep. Keith Ellison

You mad bro? “The rhythm of history, of American history, tells us that eventually, the American people in their great mass will tire of [Donald Trump] and come to realize that he threatens what is essentially America, which is our values. You’re starting to see a little of that with the treatment of children at the border, but if history is a guide, and I believe it is, the American people will tire of the show, and come to see that whatever trade they convinced themselves was worth it to elect such a person, it isn’t in the long run worth it to trade our values for the rhetoric, the promises of a particular person like that.” —James Comey

Village Idiots: “Did I ever tell ya about when Harvey Weinstein told me to make sure I shook his hand at a charity event, so I stopped in the mens room and pissed all over my hand, then went straight up to him on the receiving line? I think about that every time lil donnie [Donald Trump] opens up his KFC.” —actor Ron Perlman

And last… “The comparison between current day illegal immigrants and European settlers is really stupid. The settlers voyaged to an unknown world and built a civilization from scratch. Illegals hop across a border into an established and advanced nation and immediately reap its benefits.” —Matt Walsh