The Gipper: “We are for a provision that destitution should not follow unemployment by reason of old age, and to that end we have accepted Social Security as a step toward meeting the problem. However, we are against those entrusted with this program when they practice deception regarding its fiscal shortcomings, when they charge that any criticism of the program means that we want to end payments.” —Ronald Reagan

A blind squirrel finds a nut: “Here’s the deal — the conservative movement in this country … is now the leader on this issue of [criminal justice] reform. … Take some dadgum credit for being smart. Take some dadgum credit for getting it right.” —Van Jones

Slippery slope: “You cannot go too far on the issue of climate change. The future of the planet is at stake.” —Bernie Sanders


Braying Jenny I: “You’ve just called America’s most anti-LGBT elected leader ‘a decent guy.’ Please consider how this falls on the ears of our community.” —Cynthia Nixon’s memo to Joe Biden

Braying Jenny II: “I followed Pence’s history on LGBTQ Americans, and I don’t think that is a decent position.” —Elizabeth Warren, who probably thinks her fraudulent claims of Native American ancestry is decent

Belly laugh: “This is a time, my friends, when fundamental rights, civic virtue, freedom of the press, the rule of law, truth, facts, and reason are under assault. And make no mistake, we are living through a full-fledged crisis in our democracy.” —Hillary Clinton

Alpha Jackass: “Anti-choice advocates care about babies…until they’re actually born and need healthcare, parents with a living wage, quality education, and freedom from detention centers.” —Women’s March

And last… “The same people who accused Mark Meadows of being racist for bringing Lynne Patton to the House Oversight Committee hearing last week are the same people who continually dismiss Ilhan Omar’s anti-Semitism.” —Ryan Saavedra