For the record: “There’s no denying that [President Donald Trump’s] border taxes on Chinese goods have prodded Beijing to negotiate, though tariffs have also imposed costs on U.S. consumers and producers, especially in agriculture. The tariffs will be destructive unless they lead to a deal that causes China to cease its predatory behavior.” —Wall Street Journal

Upright: “God doesn’t pick sides, and also God is on Buttigieg’s side. You shouldn’t use religion as a weapon, and also religion is Buttigieg’s weapon. God loves everyone, except Republicans. Pete is famous for learning new languages, but maybe he should concentrate on mastering English.” —Jim Treacher

Nailed it: “[Democrats] seem to be hoping for a national crisis for the sake of their own politics.” —Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell

Braying Jenny: “We took an oath not to try to protect Donald Trump. We took an oath to protect … and serve the Constitution of the United States of America. And the way we do that is we begin impeachment proceedings now against this president.” —Sen. Elizabeth Warren

Belly laugh of the week: “We cannot accept a second term for Donald Trump if we are going to be faithful to our democracy and to the Constitution of the United States.” —House Speaker Nancy Pelosi

Political opportunism: “[Joe’s] called Anita Hill, they’ve talked, they’ve spoken, and he said, you know, he feels badly. He apologized for the way the hearings were run. And so now it’s kind of — it’s time to move on.” —Jill Biden

Alpha Jackass: “That past that [Trump] is promising to return us to was never as great as advertised.” —Mayor Pete Buttigieg (Andrew Cuomo, call your office.)

Party of Science? “When a woman gets pregnant, that is not a human being inside of her. It’s part of her body.” —CNN guest Christine Quinn

And last… “My Democratic colleagues seem to be publicly working through the five stages of grief. … The last stage of grief is acceptance. For the country’s sake, I hope my Democratic friends can get there sometime soon.” —Mitch McConnell