What is it with Joe Biden and “zero”? “I just want to say a number: zero,” he boasted after yesterday’s Consumer Price Index report revealed 8.5% annual inflation. “Our economy had 0% inflation in the month of July. Zero percent.” Elsewhere, he said, “July’s 0% inflation and last week’s booming jobs report underscore the kind of economy we’re building — an economy that works for everyone.”

His 25th Amendment insurance policy, Vice President Kamala Harris, said the same thing: “The data shows our economy had 0% inflation in July.”

And bumbling White House spokesmouth Karine Jean-Pierre tripled down: “We just received news that our economy had 0% inflation in July. While the price of some things went up, the price of others, like gas, clothing, and more, dropped. In fact, the current drop in gas prices is the fastest in a decade — saving American families with two cars $106 per month on average.”

Gas prices fell from the record high Biden created, which is why inflation did not increase over the previous month, but never mind that. Team ShamWow wants to dupe unwitting Americans into thinking that President Brandon’s really got inflation under control. Spoiler alert, he didn’t.

The first thing we were reminded of is Biden’s ludicrous insistence last year that his Build Back Better scheme, advertised to cost $3.5 trillion but estimated to actually exceed $5 trillion, would cost “zero dollars.” Because he’d offset spending with revenue jack up taxes on everyone, he claimed the legislation would add “zero dollars to the national debt.” That was clearly false. It’s not even true of the ostensibly slimmed-down version, dubbed the Inflation Reduction Act, that just passed the Senate.

Democrats can’t seem to decide if they want to fundamentally transform the United States or have zero impact so you won’t hate them.

Now, for the real numbers. As we noted yesterday, the annual inflation rate is 8.5%, which admittedly is down from June’s eye-popping 9.1% rate. That drop is indeed thanks to overall July prices rising 0% over those of June, but that’s thanks to declining energy prices offsetting increases pretty much everywhere else. So you might be paying 13.1% more for groceries this year over last year, but at least gas is a little cheaper than June’s record highs. Then again, gas is only cheaper because demand collapsed thanks to sticker shock over a gallon costing $5 or $6 or $7.

Biden might have spiked the football in the end zone, but he scored zero points because the refs just called it back for holding at the 50-yard line.

Nevertheless, we’re in a giving spirit, so we’ll give Biden some free advice on other areas where “zero” would make great policy.

Actually spend zero dollars more than the federal government takes in. Stop increasing the national debt while falsely bragging about cutting the deficit. Better yet — and we’re really dreaming wildly here — spend zero dollars on anything that’s un- or extra-constitutional.

In that vein, reduce income redistribution to zero. Quit it with student loan “forgiveness” for upper-middle-class graduates with degrees in gender studies, electric vehicle subsidies for affluent Tesla buyers, and endless payouts for X, Y, and Z Democrat constituent groups.

Raise taxes by $0 or, better yet, cut them. That means no Inflation Reduction Act corporate increase that gets passed on to workers, consumers, and investors. It means zero additional money for 87,000 more IRS employees to wring every penny from Joe Taxpayer.

Issue zero new costly and restrictive mandates about climate, healthcare, or sex that raise prices and reduce freedoms for every American.

Allow zero illegal border crossings instead of opening up the border to an intentional invasion of millions of migrants.

Leave zero Americans behind in hostile foreign countries instead of the shameful replay of South Vietnam in Afghanistan.

Tell zero lies instead of repeating obvious whoppers about virtually everything.

Given that Biden will never make these zeroes the goal of even a single policy, we won’t let up calling out his lying swagger about phony zeroes. If he had actually had zero impact on the economy, that would be great news. Instead, he took a recovery and turned it into a recession. For that, he is the only zero.

This just in: “Joe Biden Vetoes Inflation Reduction Act After Reporting Inflation To Already Be 0%.” Okay, never mind — that’s The Babylon Bee.