It’s been a couple of weeks now since the Secret Service closed up shop and announced to Congress and the world that it was unable to solve the mystery — and the crime — of who brought cocaine into the White House. Apparently, there was no usable forensic or video evidence identifying the person responsible.

Uh-huh.

When the story first broke, we were dubious, to say the least — dubious but realistic. We wrote: “That a bag of cocaine had been found over the weekend in a West Wing cubby used by guests and White House staffers isn’t surprising, given the people we’re talking about. … The incessant lying; the grifting; the rainbow-colored lights and flags besmirching the people’s house; the cross-dressing sicko flashing his ‘boobs’ on the White House lawn; the despicable deadbeat grandpa and grandma in the Oval Office; the crack-smoking, hooker-schtupping, money-grubbing, influence-peddling first son; and now a bag of blow finds its way into the West Wing. No, the discovery of the cocaine isn’t the thing. The dismissiveness of the discovery is the thing — both by the authorities and by the mainstream media.”

And now, all these many days later, it’s still the dismissiveness of the discovery. After all, this wasn’t Willie Nelson smoking dope marijuana on the White House roof with Jimmy Carter’s son back in 1980. This was someone near the Situation Room, a deeply secure area of the White House, with a Class II controlled substance. And yet.

As the New York Post’s Miranda Devine reported at the time of the Secret Service’s too-quick closing of the case:

Of all the excuses offered by the Secret Service to explain why it shut down the White House cocaine investigation last week after just 11 days, one jumped out as particularly ridiculous.

It couldn’t conduct interviews of potential cokeheads known to be in the vicinity of where the bag of drugs was found because it didn’t want to infringe on their civil rights, Secret Service spokesman Anthony Guglielmi told NBC.

“We have no evidence to approach them,” he said of 500 possible suspects identified in the area on the holiday weekend before July 4.

Hah! Tell that to the hundreds of people rounded up by the FBI for just being in the vicinity of the Capitol on January 6, 2021.

She’s right, of course. The Secret Service is a deeply committed and professional organization. Perhaps, ultimately, once agents determined that the powdery substance didn’t pose an immediate threat to the president or his family, perhaps then they reverted to protecting the Biden family’s reputation, such as it is.

As for the inability to determine who left a dime bag or an eight ball of coke in such a secure area of such a secure building, former UN Ambassador Nikki Haley told Tucker Carlson: “I’ve been to that area. It is the most secure area anywhere. … People don’t just go in and out of there. It is either the president, the vice president, cabinet members, or deputy directors. Nobody else is going in there. … So for them to say they don’t know who this was? Don’t tell me there’s no cameras in there. There are absolutely cameras in there. … I strongly believe this is a cover-up for either Hunter or someone very close to the president. … Who has time to go into the national security SCIF, open the locker, and put drugs inside? That’s a bigger problem because if you’ve got somebody doing cocaine deciding on national security, that’s what I’m worried about.”

Donald Trump also expressed concern for someone “taking cocaine and making decisions.” As he told Sean Hannity: “I know the area very well. It’s very private actually. … You have more cameras in that area than any place probably in the world. … The Situation Room is very heavily guarded. They know everything. … I have a great respect for the Secret Service. I deal with them all the time. They are really incredible people. And the Secret Service knows what’s happening. … And they’re under the orders of other people. But I think Secret Service would be able to tell you the real answer.”

Haley and Trump aren’t alone. “I’m surprised because we’re talking about agents who are extremely intelligent, dedicated, and exceptional criminal investigators,” Charles Marino, a former supervisory special agent, told Just the News this week. “If you tell them to go out and get to the end of something, that’s exactly what they’re going to do.”

Marino continued: “You’ve got a designated timeframe, you’ve got the holiday … in which this occurred. We’re fairly certain that this item did not linger for a long period of time in the West Wing, based on the security measures that we know are in place in terms of checking on that area and conducting sweeps.”

Marino also made this excellent point about the 500-600 people who the Secret Service say entered the White House during the specified timeframe: Since none of them were interviewed, all of them are suspects, and none of them should be allowed back into the White House if investigators aren’t going to interview them.

The story simply doesn’t add up.

In a piece titled “10 Absurd Assumptions You Have To Swallow To Believe The White House-Cocaine Failure Theater,” The Federalist’s Elle Purnell runs through the litany, from the unlikelihood that an average tourist would be dumb enough to smuggle coke into the most secure area of the White House, to the uselessness of the White House security cameras and visitor logs, to the mysterious fingerprint-resistance of the plastic bag in question.

But the most salient point is this: that the known drug addict living in the White House isn’t a worthwhile investigative lead. Nope, the guy who publicly “discussed his longstanding drug addiction in his memoir and abandoned a laptop full of evidence of him doing drugs with prostitutes” isn’t a likely suspect here. As Purnell writes, “If you’re thinking the obvious question — Was the cocaine Hunter Biden’s? — you clearly don’t know how the pros operate.”

Former supervisory agent Marino also said that the Secret Service is supposed to be an “independent law enforcement agency,” but that the case being closed so quickly gives us the impression that political influence factored into the decision.

Political influence? From this administration? Say it ain’t so.

Yep, they must think we’re idiots.