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November 30, 2015

Scaredy Pants Want to Rule the World

We are living perfection. Right now. No other humans in all of history can make a similar claim. Look about you. Everything is just as it should be. Even the tiniest change will derail spaceship Earth. The planet is over four billion years old, but now is its moment of perfection.

How do I know this to be true? Progressives tell me. Incessantly.

They harangue me that the temperature is just right and it is worth trillions to keep it within a range of one half degree. I am reassured daily that every little species and sub-species is precious and animal diversity is perfectly aligned for all of eternity. When I wander into the wilderness, I used to adhere to, "take nothing but pictures, leave nothing but footprints.“ Now footprints are offensive, especially the carbon variety. All native cultures are sacrosanct and must be preserved as is, even if the natives get restless. Food must remain unaltered by man. If a building gets older than fifty years, slap a brass plaque on it and committees will preserve it for the well-to-do. Apartment rents are perfectly fair and must remain constant into perpetuity. And do not even think about eliminating a government department or program because each and every one is desperately needed for eternity. Zero population growth assumes the Earth has just the right number of people. Every job is permanent — I know this because the left demonizes anyone who has ever issued a pink slip. And finally, the most powerful word in the English language is sustainability, which means everything must go on forever and ever.

Why do progressives worship the status quo?

The simple answer is that they are control freaks.

Progressives do not really believe that everything is perfect. They just cannot abide change. Any change. Change is frightening, shake-in-your-boots scary. An educated populous, free speech, social and geographic mobility, and competition cause change, but capitalism incents uncontrolled change. The uncertainty boggles the mind. Everything must be held in balance or the Earth might spin out of control.

The rest of us might ignore these phobic busybodies except for their incessant need to control everyone. People cause change, so uncontrolled people represent a threat. If the public does not submit to the approved theocracy, then the progressive vision might be stifled. That cannot happen, so speech must be policed using political correctness and other more stringent means. Ideas need to be managed, debates closed, and science declared settled. Education must be carefully crafted to discourage deviations from the true orthodoxy. Entertainment and celebrities help carry the message. If progressives can control people, they will achieve stability in their lives and heck, save the planet to boot.

We may wish that they would retreat permanently to their safe space, but that will never happen. Safe spaces are used to discipline apostolates, plan insurgencies, and reinvigorate the psyche. After a respite, they re-enter our disorderly world to get people to think, speak, and behave properly. Progressives believe humans can be as perfect as our environment. They just need direction. A few less people would help too.

Can progressives ever achieve their goal of a safe and predictable life for all? Of course. The Dark Ages held change in check for centuries. All you need is enough political power to keep everyone in place. The entire planet can be fundamentally transformed into a safe space. Real perfection can be achieved. Our planetary thermostat will be regulated so that melting icecaps, severe weather, terrorism, and sweat will become a thing of the past. Laws will insure that humans eat only the wholesome food prescribed by learned tribunals. Sex will be encouraged for any and all purposes except procreation. Every government bureaucracy will be self-perpetuating with independent funding and with no oversight from spiteful elected officials. People in the hinterlands will be rounded up and stuffed into congested cities in order to more easily regulate their daily lives. The rest of the world will be set off-limits so nature’s critters can frolic unmolested.

Now we have a conference in Paris which will propel us along the road to everlasting bliss. It will all work perfectly. Progressives are confident because they have deemed themselves the very best specimens of humanity. They are wise, benevolent, and non-offensive. Besides, Native American reservations have given progressives almost two centuries of experience administering controlled safe spaces.

What could possibly go wrong?

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