(Disclaimer: You cannot WIN an argument with a liberal. But it can be fun to confuse them about issues on which they are so passionate!)

When confronted by liberals who worship Al Gore’s screech of global warming, ask if they believe in scientific research. If they do (of course they do, they are liberals; they are emotional about everything, but have a desperate belief in science, if it suits them) ask if they are willing to have a discussion utilizing nothing but scientific data. In fact, you can suggest that they find the answer to your questions on their smartphone, tablet or laptop during the discussion. “I’m not a scientist,” I always say. “But, I can research scientific data available on the Internet as good as anyone else. Still want to answer some questions?”

“Sure,” they say. Liberals always know they are right, so by proving them wrong with this technique, they won’t get it, but you’ll feel better. Encourage them, regardless of search engine, to avoid Wikipedia and look for scholarly/university-based answers.

First question. How old is earth? They will probably say anywhere from two to six billion years old. If you google the question, the answer is 4.54 billion years, plus or minus 50 million years. Google pops up with that figure, and a picture of the earth! Ensure you let the liberal have the final answer: “Google says 4.54 billion, but if you are more comfortable with two or six billion, we can go with your decision.”

Next question. How many ice ages has earth had in that two- to- six-billion-year time frame? Google isn’t quite so ready to answer this, and you will find anywhere from four to twelve ice ages. Ensure you frame the question to ensure you let the liberal’s “smarter-than-thou” intellect have its way over you. I like to ask it like this: “So my next question is this: Based on geological, chemical and paleontological research (liberals love big words) how many ice ages has the earth endured during that time period?”

Again, let them choose the answer. Again, encourage them to google it, for the sake of your scientific discussion. Since they will find so many options, let them pick their average, usually around six. Lead into the third question. “Great, so far we agree that the planet is four billion years old and has endured six ice ages during that period.

My next question is: How long is average length of each ice age, as far as it can be determined from the available scientific data? Most of your internet searches will turn up the tidbit that ice ages are between millions to tens of millions of years in length. There is no generally accepted length for each ice age, and the data indicates that there is no average length of time. For the sake of argument, let them choose the longer period of time as an average:

"So, we agree that there were at least six ice ages, and you say that the average length of each ice age is 30 million years long. Let me make a statement of fact that I’m sure you already know: an ice age does not mean the planet is covered with ice, but that the overall temperature of the planet is lower than what we have in 2015. It’s not like the animated movie that my daughter loves, but certainly everywhere on the planet experiences a longer winter and shorter, cooler summer season. Right?”

Of course, your liberal will agree. They’ll probably blather on a bit about how much lower the temperature was and you just nod your head. They might bring up glacial sheeting or inter-glacial cycles, which is great; at least they do have some knowledge of the subject, but doesn’t affect the overall argument. Any type of evidence they want to utilize to prove that we are Neanderthals for believing that mankind does not cause global warming is excellent. The lower the temperature, the better!

“To sum up what we’ve covered, the earth is four billion years old; there have been six ice ages and the ice ages generally last around 30 million years. We agree (always agree with them if you can, it acknowledges their superior intellect) that an ice age doesn’t mean the planet is covered with ice, just a much colder temperature for the entire globe. So, it kind of looks like this.”

Graphically, if you were to draw it out on a tablet or piece of paper, it would be as follows:

Here’s the way science says the graph actually should look:

Graph is from the Utah Geological Survey.

Here’s where you will start to confuse liberals, even though you are just a stupid, gun-loving, Constitution-hugging conservative. “Based on our discussion, and I agree with everything you have said, the earth can only exist in one of three phases. It is either IN an ice age, GOING into an ice age, or COMING out of an ice age. Together, you and I have postulated this theory. Do you agree?” (See, you used two big words, “postulated” and “theory.” They have to nod their head). They might challenge you and argue that the earth is either in a warm age, going into a warm age or coming out of a warm age. Go ahead and agree with them. It’s merely semantics; the two of you have just proved that the earth exists in one of only three phases of temperature.

“Either way you phrase it, the earth exists in one of those three states. Mathematically it boils down to 30 million years of ice age surrounded by hundreds of millions of years of either going into or coming out of an ice age. So the ice ages that the earth has endured are the shorter periods of time in comparison to the time on either side of the ice age, correct?”

Most liberals aren’t good with math (I’m not either), so they’ll probably nod their head. If they look confused, re-point them to your graph and try to help them understand. Good luck. Press on! Since they are feeling a little confused, throw a curve ball at them.

“Let’s look at this from a biological viewpoint for a minute. The dinosaurs existed during the warmer periods of earth’s history. Most scientists feel that the dinosaurs were reptiles, which need sunlight and warmth to grow, as opposed to mammals which have an ability to regulate their internal temperature through external means.”

“This is still true today. Because reptiles need the sun to warm them, the larger reptiles on the planet are all found in equatorial regions (equatorial, another big word. They expect you to say the fat part of the earth, you know, around the middle part.). In North America, for example, the American alligator ranges from Texas to North Carolina, but that is the extent of its range. It is too cold for the large reptile farther north. Same with large diamondback rattlesnakes, timber rattlesnakes, etc. There are prairie rattlesnakes in Montana and the Dakotas, but they are much smaller than their southern cousins.”

Now you need to make a point. “We have agreed so far on the number of ice ages and temperature differences in them, noting that the planet is much cooler during an ice age. How much cooler? So much so that during those periods of time outside of an ice age, reptiles that weighed 20,000 tons were walking around in what today would be Montana, the Dakotas, and Canada. In fact, Montana is where the majority of the Tyrannosaurus Rex fossils have been found!” (Ask them to google it).

The places where the T-Rex fossils have been found represent, in fact, areas with some of the coldest and harshest winters in North America. Now you get to encourage your liberal.

“So, what do you think about that? I guess it means that the planet was a lot warmer if those big reptiles could live way up north.”

Whether they agree or disagree (or are just disagreeable), press on. You’re almost done.

Moving back the archeological discussion. Next question. When was the end of the last ice age? It wasn’t too long ago. Your google search will indicate we started coming out of the last ice age between 10,000-18,000 years ago.

Next question. Coincidentally, when did modern civilizations begin to emerge? You got it — after the planet began warming up from the last ice age.

Now wrap it up neatly and tie it in a bow for them. “So, we’ve agreed that the planet is four billion years old, there were about six different ice ages lasting approximately 30 million years each. That left hundreds of millions of years where the planet was either going into or coming out of an ice age, which allowed huge reptiles like dinosaurs to flourish in far northern climates. We are only 18,000 years out of the last ice age, which means the planet, in its typical cycle, is going to get much, much warmer for the next hundred million years.

"The planet has done this entirely without human assistance or consequence. Global warming cannot be and is not caused by humans, although they can contribute to it. But if you are concerned about burning coal or gasoline powered emissions causing global warming, you are off base. The planet will warm up rapidly and without our assistance, according to the scientific facts we have just agreed upon.”

You can take it in many directions from here, but you have just beaten your liberal through the use of real science and google. Smart liberals may understand, the rest, well; the rest will call you a racist and storm away to spray paint graffiti on your garage door. Trust me, it’s worth it!