Pride Month has transformed over the years into so much more than rainbows and weirdos in parades. Unbeknownst to many, there are now special laws to ensure every American citizen respects this holiest of state-enforced holidays!

Here are twelve things that are now crimes in America during Pride Month:

1. Buckling seatbelts: Absolutely no “male-to-female” connections.
2. Leaving an empty urinal between two men: Straight to jail.
3. Going to church: Unless it’s United Methodist.
4. Driving on the Pride Crosswalk: How dare you put tire tracks on the sacred symbol!
5. Not driving on the Pride Crosswalk: How dare you not let your tires kiss the sacred symbol!
6. Changing the channel when a WNBA game comes on: DON’T LOOK AWAY.
7. Driving any car except for a Subaru: While wearing Birkenstocks, of course.
8. Having straight sex: Obviously.
9. Having straight thoughts: Obviously.
10. Men wearing shorts that go below the knee: Sky’s out, thighs out.
11. Watching a movie that doesn’t start with the word “Brokeback”: The volleyball scene from Top Gun is also acceptable.
12. Purchasing “The Babylon Bee Guide To Gender”: Whatever you do, don’t order it from the Bee website for $22.99 plus shipping!

Stay safe out there, fam!

From our friends at The Babylon Bee.