California Finishes Counting the Votes; Ronald Reagan Has Won the 1966 Governor’s Race
Is this the beginning of California becoming a red state? It’s too soon to tell, say experts.
Jill Biden Assures Nation Joe’s Old Age Did Not Hamper Her Ability to Serve as President
“I’m grateful that we had a highly qualified staff that kept Joe occupied and cared for while I got all my work done as president.”
Californians Give Us Their Top 9 Reasons for Still Voting Democrat
Looks like California is going to remain blue for a while yet, but at least the voters have some legit reasons.
10 Consequences of Harambe’s Death
Our world has clearly never been the same. We miss you, Harambe.
Democrats Hopeful Average Texas Voter Wants to Ban Steak and Thinks God Is Gay
“We’re really optimistic that the typical Texan will resonate with outlawing steak, going vegan, and believing in a six-gender deity.”
Platner Smooths Things Over With Democrats by Covering Nazi Tattoo With Hammer & Sickle
“The important thing is growth,” Platner told reporters, “and I think this new ink reflects my true character.”
DNC 2024 Election Autopsy Just Joe Biden’s Actual Autopsy
“Having candidates who are alive would be a major step in the right direction,” said DNC chair Ken Martin.
Hunter Biden’s Reputation in Ruins After Talking to Candace Owens
Biden reportedly asked his lawyer if his appearance with Owens was covered by his presidential pardon.
Massie Blames Defeat on Jews of Rural Kentucky
“I’m really proud of our team. We just couldn’t overcome the Hasidic powers that control the farm towns of Appalachia.”
New Polls Show Dead Heat Between ‘Make Everything Worse’ Candidate and ‘Fix Everything’ Candidate
“It’s a tough call,” said one voter. “I do wish things would get better, but sometimes you just want the whole world to burn.”
The NY Times Reveals: 7 More Shocking Things Israel Has Trained Animals to Do
We hope this list wakes people up to the disturbing reality of what Israel is doing with poor, innocent animals.
Faux Pas: Trump Gifts President Xi With Pot of Honey From White House Beehive
“I thought he loved honey,” Trump said. “The intel said he loved honey. Now he’s mad, apparently.”
Dems Accuse Spencer Pratt of Not Wanting to Destroy California
“Spencer Pratt wants to keep Los Angeles from burning to ash,” says the narrator for a new series of ads. “Let’s keep away from Spencer Pratt.”
China Visit Off to Rough Start After Trump Demands to Negotiate Directly With General Tso
“I didn’t come all this way to talk to you, Pooh Bear. It’s the General or nothing.”
Virginia Considering New Measure That Just Makes It Illegal for Republicans to Vote
“We’re tackling the real issue,” said Gov. Spanberger, “which is Republicans being allowed to vote at all.”
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