New Yorkers Excited to See How Never-Before-Tried Government Called ‘Socialism’ Turns Out
“I can’t believe no one’s ever tried this before,” said local man Max Landerholm.
Visitors From Europe Tell Us Their 13 Most Surprising Discoveries in America
Everyone hates Meghan Markle here, too.
Reflecting Pool Algae Surges Ahead of Kamala in 2028 Democrat Presidential Polls
Many Democrats said they thought the ooze adequately reflected their values and political objectives.
Obama Library Cruelly Disenfranchises Millions of Black Americans by Requiring Photo ID
“We are literally being murdered in the streets by this rule.”
Al Gore Explains That While ‘An Inconvenient Truth’ Did Not Prove Accurate, It Did Make Him Rich
“I think the film was a great success, actually,” Gore said. “For me, that is.”
Confused Biden Wanders Into G7 Summit
“We were all trying to figure out if someone else invited him. Then he started telling a passionate story about a lifeguard named Corn Pop.”
JD Vance Makes Contact With Tribe of Illiterate, Feral Women
Experts previously believed there were no lost tribes remaining anywhere in New York City, but they were wrong.
Democrats Demand Reparations From African American
“Mr. Musk is rich and that makes him the only bad African American,” Senator Bernie Sanders said.
U.S. Votes to Legally Adopt Freddy the German
“Because of Freddy, we are all getting to experience anew the awesomeness of America.”
Elon Musk Confirms He Will Soon Have Enough Money to Become Batman
“I will be the hero Austin deserves, but not the one it needs right now.”
LA Officials Warn It May Take Several Weeks to Tally Up Goals From World Cup Matches
“We may not be prepared to declare a winner until August.”
Trump Repairs the Crack in the Liberty Bell
Many Americans across the country were reportedly infuriated with Trump over what may be his most drastic faux pas.
After Mail-in Ballots Tallied, Joe Biden Wins LA Mayor’s Race With 81 Million Votes
“A truly impressive victory for a candidate who didn’t even run,” said election official Francis Peabody.
California Finishes Counting the Votes; Ronald Reagan Has Won the 1966 Governor’s Race
Is this the beginning of California becoming a red state? It’s too soon to tell, say experts.
Jill Biden Assures Nation Joe’s Old Age Did Not Hamper Her Ability to Serve as President
“I’m grateful that we had a highly qualified staff that kept Joe occupied and cared for while I got all my work done as president.”
Top Opinion
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Gary Bauer Mamdani’s Hate Slate
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Ben Shapiro The Republican Party’s Dissidents Are Showing Themselves the Door
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Cal Thomas The Anti-Socialists Strike Back
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Laura Hollis World Cup Visitors Get It; the Pope and Socialists Don’t
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Armstrong Williams Fog of War: When Political Rhetoric Meets Strategic Reality
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Larry Elder With Iran, the Greater Risk Was Waiting
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Betsy McCaughey Will China Ever Be Held Accountable for COVID-19?
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Ann Coulter Only the Rich Can Discriminate
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