Weird: Man Becomes More Conservative as He Regains Brain Function
Conservatives have sat dumbfounded as they found themselves nodding along with the Democrat.
Nation in Shock After Gavin Newsom Murdered on Live TV
Authorities are still searching for three accomplices: Sean Hannity, Ron DeSantis, and a paper map of human poop.
Squirrel Wearing MAGA Hat Seen Scampering Away From Falling National Christmas Tree
Capitol Police have launched a city-wide hunt for the dangerous insurrectionist.
Musk to Put Cybertruck’s Bulletproof Armor to Ultimate Test With Trip Through Downtown Chicago
“Whether you find yourself in a post-apocalyptic zombie wasteland or in Chicago, the Cybertruck is ready,” said Elon Musk as he made the announcement.
Hunter Biden Disappointed to Learn White Powder All Over White House Just Fake Snow
At publishing time, Hunter was overheard pleading with his father to make sure he got “the real stuff” next year.
Candace Owens and Ben Shapiro Forced to Wear Their Get-Along Shirt
While tensions were high at first, after a few hours of sulking in the shirt, their hearts began to soften.
Palestinian at Hospital for Colonoscopy Not Sure About This Doctor Holding Grenade Launcher
While not looking forward to his colonoscopy to begin with, the sight of a grenade launcher really threw Mr. Ghazali for a loop.
Newsom Assures Homeless They Can Resume Pooping on Sidewalks Once His Boss Leaves
Sources say locals were shocked to wake up on Monday and find their streets temporarily clean, safe, and free of mountains of human fecal matter.
Thousands Already Lined Up for Black Friday After Grocery Store Offers Prices From When Trump Was President
The shocking deals will reportedly extend to everything in the store, with several grocery items to be discounted upwards of eighty percent.
More Grocery Stores Installing Defibrillators at Checkout for When You See Your Total
At publishing time, grocery delivery services such as Instacart began hiring fitness trainers who could reliably withstand the negative impact of grocery shopping.
FBI Uncovers Horrifying Extremist Reading Material in Mike Johnson’s Home
Eyewitnesses reported seeing FBI agents removing the book from the home in a sealed plastic bag for further investigation.
God Rewards Only Team That Doesn’t Have a Pride Night With World Series Win
“Pride Night cometh before the fall, as they say.”
White House Accidentally Hands Out Plastic Baggies of Cocaine to Trick-or-Treaters
At publishing time, the Secret Service had confirmed they have no leads as to where the cocaine may have come from.
Newsom Shows Solidarity With Biden by Also Falling on Face in Front of World Leaders
Mr. Newsom decided it was time to support President Biden by bulldozing over a child and falling to the court like a baby giraffe.
Gavin Newsom Visits Xi Jinping to Get More Ideas on How to Run California
“Oh, and if people make memes about you resembling a cartoon character, right to jail!” shouted the Pooh Bear-shaped dictator.
Top Opinion
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Armstrong Williams Taking Sides in the Face of Tragedy
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Larry Elder Israel vs. Hamas: Where Have All the Feminists Gone?
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Gary Bauer Moral Clarity
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The Washington Stand Riley Gaines Torches the Dems’ Gender Deniers in House Fight for Girls’ Sports
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Ben Shapiro Our Antisemitic Universities
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Laura Hollis Hating God
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Cal Thomas Let Them Eat Chicken
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Ann Coulter Haley Vows War With Iran, China, Russia, and TikTok
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