Gavin Newsom Wows Black Audience by Putting Some Hot Sauce in His Purple Drank
“I am not just trying to score points here,” he insisted. “We’re alike in so many ways.”
Canada Now Officially an American Province
“We took you over and all we lost were a few teeth,” announced President Trump. “This is so embarrassing for you.”
New Yorkers Report Warmth of Collectivism Feels Strangely Like Crushing Tax Hike
“Oh yeah, the warmth often feels like that at first,” explained Mayor Mamdani.
AOC Condemns Spain for Stealing Mexico’s Language
“What’s going to be next? Stealing the recipe for Tex-Mex chicken enchiladas?”
Trump Honors Hillary Clinton With New Federal Holiday ‘Almost Presidents Day’
“The nation’s eyes are upon all those who could have been president, if they hadn’t been total losers,” said a federal spokesperson.
ICE Leaves Minneapolis to Focus on American Cities
“Honestly, we had no real jurisdiction up there, since it’s not part of the United States,” Tom Homan said.
Democrats Counter With STEAL Act to Ban Voter ID
“This legislation is vital to the survival of our party,” said House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries.
9 Leading Candidates for Next Year’s Super Bowl Halftime Show
It’ll be electrifying to hear Dave Ramsey lecture everyone in attendance about how much they spent on their Super Bowl tickets.
U.S. Ski Team Awarded Gold Medal for Synchronized Screaming About Trump
They just barely beat out Iran to win the gold.
Support for ICE Skyrockets to 99% After Halftime Show
Following the halftime performance, ICE operations appear to now have almost complete support of the entire country.
Hunter Biden Launches HunterRx From Back of Van
“Drugs? I got ‘em!” Biden stated proudly. “And remember, the first one’s free!”
Suspicious: Voter ID Bill Defeated in Senate by Vote of 7 Million to 53
“Math isn’t my strong suit, but I’m calculating that there were 6,999,953 more votes than there are Senators,” said Republican Senator Ted Cruz.
Here Are 12 Fun Crimes You Can Get Away With if You Just Say ‘We Are on Stolen Land’
Not paying your property taxes: You shouldn’t be forced to pay property taxes if that property was stolen.
Roomful of Pedophiles Protests ICE Deporting Pedophiles
“We can’t deport these people. They’re just like us!” said one prominent celebrity pedophile.
Tim Walz Emerges From Den to Declare 6 More Weeks of Rioting and Fraud
“It’s always rioting and fraud season, but the Governor-coming-out-of-the-den tradition is good family fun,” said handler Marsha Billingsworth.
Top Opinion
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Republican National Committee Democrats Chose a Radical for Their State of the Union Response
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Stephen Moore Government Subsidies Killed the EV Industry
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Salena Zito Ralston Delivers Gold With His Reid Biography
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Victor Joecks Judicial Tyranny Is a Threat to the Rule of Law
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Daniel McCarthy How a Party Offends Its Voters
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Cal Thomas Insulter in Chief
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Gary Bauer Team USA Takes the Gold
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Rich Lowry Jack Hughes or Eileen Gu?
The Web's First and Foremost Conservative News Digest
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