‘Snow White’ Beaten at Box Office by Middle School Recorder Recital
“Congratulations to the Recorder Rascals of Rushville, you earned it.”
7 Most Shocking Revelations From the JFK Files
“Fidel Castro fathered a son out of wedlock named Justin.”
Breaking: Biden’s Official Statement on His Alleged Use of Autopen
A spokesperson says they hope this will put the “wild accusations” to rest.
Federal Judge Orders Astronauts Be Returned to Space Station
“I will not stand by while Donald Trump abuses his power like a dictator.”
51 Former Intelligence Officials Insist Biden Never Once Used an Autopen
“I personally witnessed Biden signing the pardons with my own two eyes,” said former CIA Director John Brennan.
Enough Is Enough: Supreme Court Rules First Amendment Does Not Apply to Meghan Markle
At publishing time, President Donald Trump had Meghan Markle arrested and charged with crimes against humanity.
Liberals Defeat Nazis by Painting Swastikas Everywhere and Torching Immigrant Businesses
“I literally had to get several swastikas tattooed on my face, but it was all worth it to defeat Hitler’s second coming.”
Layoffs Delayed as Dept. of Education Unable to Calculate What Fifty Percent of Employees Would Be
“We really don’t know how to proceed. I wish there were some sort of department of fractions.”
Trump Demands Investigation Into Whoever Nominated Amy Coney Barrett
“She has been a big disappointment. Very sad. Very tragic, what she’s done. We have to find out who did it.”
RFK Jr. Announces Seal Team Six Has Neutralized the Kool-Aid Man
“Ladies and gentlemen, we got him.”
Laid-Off IRS Agent Gets New Job Checking Receipts at Costco Exit
“All day I get to peer into people’s private financial information and audit their every expenditure before they leave the building.”
Hitler Defeated After Opposition Party Holds Up Tiny Signs on Paddles
“We did it! I knew the little signs would work,” said opposition leader Hagan Schulz.
8 Powerful Ways Democrats Protested Trump’s Speech
Boy, they sure showed Trump. He’ll think twice before crossing them ever again.
Trump Institutes Military Draft for Everyone With Ukraine Flag in Their Facebook Profile
“These upper-middle class pilates ladies are perfect for the front lines.”
Academy Announces New Oscar Award ‘Most Likely to Be on Epstein List’
“There are just so many great contenders, people with incredible resumes of degeneracy and deviancy.”
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