Biden Claims His Uncle’s Heart Was Ripped Out During Human Sacrifice Ritual in India
“And if you don’t believe me, then I’m not a Professor of Archaeology.”
NPR Says They Always Strive to Feature a Broad Range of Opinions From Slightly Communist to Very Communist
At publishing time, the janitor at NPR was seen straightening a giant glorious portrait of Joe Biden.
Judge Warns Trump Criminal Trial May Last Until, Say, November 6
Juan Merchan was all but certain that this particular case would reach its completion on the first Wednesday of November.
Trump Indicted for Taking More Chick-fil-A Sauces Than He Actually Needed for His Order
“We’ve got him this time,” a Department of Justice spokesperson said.
Biden Announces Student Loan Forgiveness to Help People Afford All His Taxes and Inflation
Ninety percent of college grads confirmed they had already spent all their extra cash on ramen noodles.
South Carolina Women’s Basketball Coach Announces Incoming Recruits Greg and Dave
The nation remains unsurprised that the first trans D-I athletes would be playing for a team called the “Lady Gamecocks.”
After Asking for Preferred Gender Pronouns, Doctor Asks Patient, ‘OK, Now What’s Your Actual Gender?’
Dr. DeOrio took it upon himself to educate his patient on the importance of biological sex in medical treatment.
Scottish Parliament Declares William Wallace Was a Woman After Learning He Wore a Skirt
When Wallace talked about “freedom,” he was definitely referring to the liberation of coming out as trans.
DeSantis Kicked Out of Republican Party for Accomplishing Too Many Things
The move was announced after careful deliberation by the RNC in coordination with top GOP leaders.
Pete Buttigieg Holds Emergency Press Conference to Announce He Is Taking 3 More Months Maternity Leave
According to sources, Buttigieg still has 38 months of paid maternity leave available should he need it.
In Brief: Biden’s New Stability Shoes for Fall-Prone Seniors
It’s everything you need to know about the president’s newest fashion choice.
Checkmate: Trump Sneaks Back Into White House, Invokes Squatter’s Rights
Though Biden is expected to challenge Trump’s unwelcome possession of the White House, legal experts suggest it is unlikely to succeed.
Unhinged Trump Threatens More Violence by Promising to Trigger a ‘Landslide’ on Election Day
This is the first time a former president has threatened to trigger one if the election doesn’t go the way he thinks it should.
Google Gemini Wishes Everyone a Happy St. Patrick’s Day
Gemini drew millions of iterations before finally settling on the perfect image of the historic Saint Patrick.
Nation Reassured as Special Counsel Transcript Reveals Biden Still Able to Make Car Noises With His Mouth
“‘Cars go vroom! Vroom, bbbrrraaa-vroom!’ We can put any questions left about his mental fitness to rest.”
Top Opinion
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Mark Alexander Gen N: The Narcissist Generation
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Gary Bauer Biden’s Moral Equivalence
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Star Parker Mike Johnson Is a Hero
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John Stossel Capitalism Versus Racism
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Betsy McCaughey There’s No Right to Sleep Outdoors
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Tim Graham Anti-Censorship Group Canceled by Pro-Hamas Authors
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Byron York Groupthink Chorus Emerges at Trump Trial
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The Washington Stand Where Is the Safe Space for Jews?
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