February 4, 2025

Entire Federal Workforce Replaced by One 16-Year-Old Chick-Fil-A Employee

“If he can handle the lunch rush at Chick-Fil-A, doing the work of a million bureaucrats will be a cinch.”

WILMINGTON, DE — President Donald Trump announced this morning that he has officially replaced the entire federal workforce with one single teenage Chick-Fil-A employee.

In a move expected to drastically improve the efficiency of government services, sixteen-year-old Bryan Sanders of Wilmington will take over the jobs of all 3 million current federal employees starting on Monday.

“With Bryan’s work experience running the drive-through at Chick-Fil-A, we expect his taking over three million federal jobs to be seamless,” said Trump’s Chief of Staff Susie Wiles. “We believe Bryan will also provide a massive upgrade in terms of how pleasant it will be to interact with government employees. He is just so darn polite.”

Sanders will remain enrolled in high school and plans to squeeze in doing the entire work of the federal government each evening before his homework. “Of course, we don’t want Bryan doing three million people’s jobs to interfere with his studies, but we think he will handle it just fine,” said Sander’s mom Julie. “If he can handle the lunch rush at Chick-Fil-A, doing the work of a million bureaucrats will be a cinch.”

At publishing time, Trump had reportedly asked Sanders if he could go ahead and start tomorrow, but Sanders informed the President that he does not work on Sundays.

From our friends at The Babylon Bee.

Who We Are

The Patriot Post is a highly acclaimed weekday digest of news analysis, policy and opinion written from the heartland — as opposed to the MSM’s ubiquitous Beltway echo chambers — for grassroots leaders nationwide. More

What We Offer

On the Web

We provide solid conservative perspective on the most important issues, including analysis, opinion columns, headline summaries, memes, cartoons and much more.

Via Email

Choose our full-length Digest or our quick-reading Snapshot for a summary of important news. We also offer Cartoons & Memes on Monday and Alexander’s column on Wednesday.

Our Mission

The Patriot Post is steadfast in our mission to extend the endowment of Liberty to the next generation by advocating for individual rights and responsibilities, supporting the restoration of constitutional limits on government and the judiciary, and promoting free enterprise, national defense and traditional American values. We are a rock-solid conservative touchstone for the expanding ranks of grassroots Americans Patriots from all walks of life. Our mission and operation budgets are not financed by any political or special interest groups, and to protect our editorial integrity, we accept no advertising. We are sustained solely by you. Please support The Patriot Fund today!


The Patriot Post and Patriot Foundation Trust, in keeping with our Military Mission of Service to our uniformed service members and veterans, are proud to support and promote the National Medal of Honor Heritage Center, the Congressional Medal of Honor Society, both the Honoring the Sacrifice and Warrior Freedom Service Dogs aiding wounded veterans, the Tunnel to Towers Foundation, the National Veterans Entrepreneurship Program, the Folds of Honor outreach, and Officer Christian Fellowship, the Air University Foundation, and Naval War College Foundation, and the Naval Aviation Museum Foundation. "Greater love has no one than this, to lay down one's life for his friends." (John 15:13)

★ PUBLIUS ★

“Our cause is noble; it is the cause of mankind!” —George Washington

Please join us in prayer for our nation — that righteous leaders would rise and prevail and we would be united as Americans. Pray also for the protection of our Military Patriots, Veterans, First Responders, and their families. Please lift up your Patriot team and our mission to support and defend our Republic's Founding Principle of Liberty, that the fires of freedom would be ignited in the hearts and minds of our countrymen.

The Patriot Post is protected speech, as enumerated in the First Amendment and enforced by the Second Amendment of the Constitution of the United States of America, in accordance with the endowed and unalienable Rights of All Mankind.

Copyright © 2025 The Patriot Post. All Rights Reserved.

The Patriot Post does not support Internet Explorer. We recommend installing the latest version of Microsoft Edge, Mozilla Firefox, or Google Chrome.