SACRAMENTO, CA — Fans of real-life stories of murder learned they were in for a treat, as Gavin Newsom announced that he was launching a new true crime podcast detailing how he killed California.

The California governor excited podcast fans by teasing his new show, which would lead listeners through the sordid and terrifying tale of how he carried out the premeditated killing of the Golden State.

“This is bound to be the most horrifying story you’ve ever heard,” Newsom said in the teaser video for the new show. “Get ready to hear all about how a sadistic killer planned out in detail how he would methodically and systematically murder California. It’s a story with many twists and turns, and you won’t want to miss it. Spoiler alert — it was me.”

True crime podcast junkies across the country said they couldn’t wait to hear the twisted tale. “This one might even be too sick for me to listen to,” said Anna Kelly, a self-confessed lover of serial killer podcasts. “As a native Californian, it might be a little too close to home for me. But to hear the story from the killer himself? That’s going to be fascinating.”

A preview description of Newsom’s podcast detailed how listeners could look forward to hearing how he killed businesses during COVID-19, ran entrepreneurs out of the state, turned the state’s multi-billion-dollar budget surplus into a growing deficit, and decimated large swaths of the country’s most lucrative real estate by allowing wildfires to run roughshod.

At publishing time, Newsom also teased a potential sequel to the podcast depending on its popularity and whether or not he could run for president and replicate the killing on a nationwide scale.

From our friends at The Babylon Bee.