LOS ANGELES, CA — According to sources, President Trump responded to fiery but mostly peaceful protests in the City of Angels by activating the mostly peaceful National Guard.

Governor Gavin Newsom has called the show of mostly peaceful force by the Trump administration “uncool.”

“What we have are mostly peaceful migrants making their voices mostly peacefully heard by throwing Molotov cocktails and looting businesses,” Newsom said. “All of which is protected by the Bill of Rights. Read the Constitution.”

But the situation on the ground hadn’t improved much as of Monday morning. Now, a battalion of 500 mostly peaceful Marines is reportedly on standby, preparing to enter California and retake the state from mostly peaceful arsonists and looters, joining the 2,000 mostly peaceful National Guard already deployed on the ground.

Trump said, “Maybe the National Guard isn’t mostly peaceful enough. Maybe it’s time to send in the mostliest peaceful of them all: the United States Marines.”

Governor Gavin Newsom has responded to Trump’s threat of additional mostly peaceful troops by threatening to sue, per California tradition. “If he doesn’t end this mostly peaceful tyranny, I may be forced to get violent in court,” he said.

Mostly peaceful war correspondents on the ground blasted Trump for wanting to send in the military, but later calmed down when he explained they were mostly peaceful, just like the violent rioters who deface the land they don’t want to be deported from.

“Killing is only 13% of what a Marine does,” Trump said. “The other 87% of a Marine’s time is spent doing horribly unspeakable things as well, but not killing.

At publishing time, California had been declared a mostly peaceful war zone.

Republished from The Babylon Bee.