Despite America’s incredible efforts, the Middle East is once again exploding, with peace in the volatile region seemingly as elusive as ever. But take heart! Here are nine creative ways that we can actually achieve true and lasting peace in the Middle East:

1. Send Dr. Phil to help them talk through their feelings: The man is a master.

2. Hire an old sassy black woman to whup ‘em: They’ll get in line so fast.

3. Bring Biden out of retirement to stare into a camera and whisper, “Don’t”: You can do this, Joe.

4. Get them all really addicted to World of Warcraft so they don’t have time to go outside and kill each other: It’s so simple.

5. Put up a bunch of billboards saying “If you blow yourself up you’re gay”: Terrorism solved.

6. Get a really big noise machine to play calming ocean sounds: Who could possibly fight when you’re listening to whales talk?

7. Give everyone a Snickers bar: The Middle East just isn’t itself when it’s hungry.

8. Sell all of the various factions tens of billions of dollars in high-tech military equipment, give terrorist groups free weapons, and occasionally send the military to do a regime change: Why has no one thought of this?

9. Turn the entire place into one big, beautiful country called “Trumpistan”: It will be the greatest, believe me.

See? Peace in the Middle East is not as far away as you think.

From our friends at The Babylon Bee.