U.S. — In an awkward turn of events, former President Barack Obama and former presidential hopeful Hillary Clinton reportedly hired the same hitman to kill each other.

The two political figures were allegedly compelled to target each other as more information related to the Trump-Russia collusion hoax was declassified by Director of National Intelligence Tulsi Gabbard, who claims the two were complicit in a coup to undermine the Trump presidency. This prompted the pair to allegedly target the other in a desperate attempt to tie off any loose ends.

The matter became known when a hitman working under the pseudonym “Vinny Black” received near-simultaneous calls from each to kill the other. “I got calls from both of them within minutes of each other,” Black explained. “I’ve accepted jobs from both of them without question in the past — they are powerful people, you don’t want to refuse them — but it was awkward when I realized that they wanted to kill each other.”

Black, Obama, and Clinton found themselves in a three-way pickle. “I couldn’t cancel the contracts, since they’d just hire another hitman to kill me,” Black explained. “And I can’t kill them both, since there wouldn’t be anyone left to pay me.”

In the end, Black said he was able to settle the conflict and postpone any bloodshed without any deaths by simply explaining the situation to Obama and Clinton.

At publishing time, the body of Vinny Black had reportedly been found dumped in a ditch on the outskirts of Washington, D.C., with authorities quickly ruling his death a suicide.

From our friends at The Babylon Bee.