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October 24, 2025

10 Coolest Features of Trump’s New White House Ballroom

Kid Rock: He’ll actually just live there in the corner of the ballroom and perform whenever Trump asks him to.

President Donald Trump’s project to construct a new grand ballroom at the White House has been grabbing all the headlines, but have you heard about all the amazing features it’s going to include?

The Babylon Bee has obtained an exclusive list of things being added to the ballroom:


  1. 25-foot ceilings to accommodate Barron: He’ll finally be able to stand up straight.

  2. Diet Coke fountain: A true sign of luxurious opulence.

  3. Ball pit: For the kids, and any administration officials who want to cut loose.

  4. UFC octagon: Nothing caps off a beautiful state dinner like watching two men beat each other bloody.

  5. Trump dance floor: Where only the Trump dance will be allowed.

  6. Full-sized McDonald’s: Preparing the finest Big Macs and Quarter Pounders with Cheese.

  7. Kid Rock: He’ll actually just live there in the corner of the ballroom and perform whenever Trump asks him to.

  8. Mechanical bull: All of the fanciest heads of state have them in their palaces.

  9. Spray-tan booth: Have to reapply after you sweat off your tan on the dance floor.

  10. Gold. Lots of gold: Even the gold will be covered in gold.


Sounds pretty tremendous. Very beautiful. The greatest ballroom ever, many are saying.

From our friends at The Babylon Bee.

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