Mayor Zohran Mamdani announced his plan to open a $30 million city-run grocery store in the heart of New York City. While that may seem like a lot of money, this isn’t your average Kroger.

Take a look at the following list of amazing features the new taxpayer-funded grocery store will have:

1. Choice of two different brands of products: Have your pick between carrots or potatoes.

2. A mandatory 3-hour wait time at the register to ensure fairness across all lines: Finally, justice for all.

3. All the cashiers will be ex-cons out on work release: Checkout has never been more exciting.

4. Claw at the exit that turns you upside-down and shakes loose change out: Every penny counts.

5. Produce section that’s just a bunch of dirt for you to grow your own veggies: You’ll have fresh veggies in just six months — if the hobos don’t get to them first.

6. Line where you can hang out for several hours and get a free loaf of bread: It’ll be a throwback to a bygone era.

7. Frozen food aisle occasionally thawed to promote climate awareness: Finally, a grocery store that’s conscious of its carbon footprint.

8. Groceries in your cart will be intermittently redistributed to other people’s carts: No one should ever have more than someone else.

9. The cleanest empty shelves anywhere in the city: Truly a cut above the rest.

With perks like these, that hefty $30 million price tag seems like a real bargain.

From our friends at The Babylon Bee.

(Image credit: Bingjiefu He, CC BY-SA 4.0, via Wikimedia Commons.)