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Burt Prelutsky / Jul. 9, 2012

Pop Culture, Etc.

Being as old as I am, I am not the least bit embarrassed by the fact that I am not only unaware of the movies, TV shows and music, that are currently popular, but, aside from a few people named Bieber, Snooki and Kardashian, who somehow snuck through my defenses, I am proud to say I don’t know the names of the current idols. One thing that I have become aware of is that the female icons of today are not as attractive as they used to be, and I don’t attribute that to my age, but to their lack of faces and figures. For instance, Angelina Jolie has the pencil legs of a 90-year-old and lips that are larger than her arms; Lady Gaga looks like something the cat dragged in; and Sarah Jessica Parker looks like the homely girl that pretty girls hung out with in high school so they’d look even prettier by comparison. When you compare them to the likes of Rhonda Fleming, Rita Hayworth and Doris Day, you’d think you were comparing different species from different planets.

Being as old as I am, I am not the least bit embarrassed by the fact that I am not only unaware of the movies, TV shows and music, that are currently popular, but, aside from a few people named Bieber, Snooki and Kardashian, who somehow snuck through my defenses, I am proud to say I don’t know the names of the current idols.

One thing that I have become aware of is that the female icons of today are not as attractive as they used to be, and I don’t attribute that to my age, but to their lack of faces and figures. For instance, Angelina Jolie has the pencil legs of a 90-year-old and lips that are larger than her arms; Lady Gaga looks like something the cat dragged in; and Sarah Jessica Parker looks like the homely girl that pretty girls hung out with in high school so they’d look even prettier by comparison. When you compare them to the likes of Rhonda Fleming, Rita Hayworth and Doris Day, you’d think you were comparing different species from different planets.

Speaking of things cultural, it has always annoyed me that people are expected to be impressed by certain books, movies and plays, simply because they have been lauded by certain critics and academicians. I’m not suggesting that it isn’t possible to enjoy these works or that those who claim they love them are lying and merely trying to pass themselves off as aesthetically superior to the rest of mankind, although that is certainly a very real possibility. I just want people who share my lack of appreciation for some of these over-hyped creations to know they’re not alone.

On my list are “Moby Dick,” “Walden,” “Hamlet,” “Last Year at Marienbad,” “Triumph of the Will,” “Long Day’s Journey Into Night,” “King Lear,” “Gone With the Wind,” “Blow-Up,” “Rules of the Game,” “Titanic,” “Dr. Zhivago,” “The Sun Also Rises,” “L'Avventura,” “War and Peace,” “Strange Interlude,” “Lawrence of Arabia,” and “The Great Gatsby.”

Understand, I am not trying to convince anyone of anything. But I have read or seen all of them, and my yawns were loud enough to drown out half the dialogue, and I don’t want other people to think that they’re the only ones who wound up in a coma, thanks to these particular works of art.

One of the nice things about getting old is that you stop worrying about impressing people. If I think of another thing, I’ll let you know.

Speaking of age, I read that some guy in his 70s named Tarnae Watanabe just scaled Mt. Everest after having climbed it 10 years earlier. When asked why he did it, instead of the usual “Because it was there,” I’d like to think he said, “You mean I already climbed it?! Why didn’t anyone tell me?”

Although I have long been aware that, aside from Germany, Europe is an example of what happens when you let spoiled brats control the economy, until I heard it from Charles Krauthammer, I did not know that in Greece, hairdressers are allowed to retire at the age of 50 because theirs is regarded as a hazardous occupation. I guess that means John Edwards isn’t the only person in the world who takes his haircuts a damn sight too seriously.

The more I hear Washington, D.C., referred to as the nation’s capital, the more I wonder just which nation they have in mind. It’s hard to recognize it as our own when a bill to criminalize gender-based abortions falls short of the two-thirds majority required, 246-168. Although 20 Democrats joined 226 Republicans in voting for what one would assume is a no-brainer, inasmuch as the only other place on earth where such abominations take place is the cesspool known as China, seven Republicans voted along with the liberals. The unholy seven included Rep. Ron Paul. You kids still think he’d make a great president?

Barack Obama came into office saying the U.S. should be much more like Europe and now, thanks to his disastrous economic policies and his constant groveling to Russia, we are.

Criticizing this administration isn’t merely taking advantage of a freedom guaranteed us by the First Amendment, it’s a patriotic obligation.

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