If a picture is worth a thousand words, then a political cartoon is worth a thousand opinion-editorials — especially if pencil strokes flow from the magic hands of brilliant artists, such as Michael Ramirez and Bob Gorrell (and many others, as well). Thus, Ramirez explains “The FBI Investigation” of Trump by depicting the president in a bar ordering a “White Russian” for his friend, while the barkeep records the encounter by saying, “Subject is a Russian spy AND a racist.” Which pretty well sums up the bureau’s corruption in recent years while saving many wood shelves from groaning under the weight of books trying to say the same thing.

Bob Gorrell is no slouch, either. “BOMBSHELL NEWS!” announces a trench-coated talking head speaking out of the side of his mouth: “Donald Trump may have been a Russian asset!” reads the second image out of six. The third: “And he may have wanted transcripts from a meeting with Putin kept private!” Sounds like things are getting worse. They are: “And he may have worked with the traitorous Rosenbergs!” Just when you think accusations can’t get sillier, they do: “And he may have been spotted on the grassy knoll!” The last caption is the best for its suggestive value: “And he… (fill in the blank).”

Good idea, let’s fill in the blanks. “Trump Loses China!” — which was a big deal when I was a youngster. “Trump sneaks Nazi scientists into USSR — Sputnik results!” Actually, there was some truth to that — the German scientists’ part, that is. “Trump blamed for Zoot Suits and Disco!” Okay, we’ve crossed a line, here — few things are worse than Zoot Suits and Disco.

The point is that anti-Trumpism has reached such outrageous levels that the term Trump Derangement Syndrome fails to capture the madness of his critics. Consider, for instance, just a few headlines that appeared in RealClearPolitics’ January 19-20 weekend edition, commemorating the two-year anniversary of the Impeachment Asylum Inmates’ refusal to take their meds:

• Two Years Under Trump’s Ignominious Reign —David Faris, The Week

• Forget Border, Trump’s Shutdown Has Made Us Less Safe —Michael Fuchs, Guardian

• Trump Echoes Nixon’s Last Line of Defense as Walls Close In —Clive Irving, Daily Beast

• Impeachment Inquiry is the Right Idea Right Now —Julian Zelizer, CNN

• Putin Is Smiling as He Watches Trump Carry Out His Agenda —Frida Ghitis, CNN

And from Susan B. Glasser, The New Yorker:

• ‘Are We Really Where We Are?’ — Trump, Putin, and Washington’s Unbelievable New Normal

Beneath this heart-thumping header come the words, We do not yet know whether Donald Trump is actually Vladimir Putin’s man in Washington or merely a sycophant with a distinctly un-American affinity for autocrats. Later in the essay, she opines, “Regardless of whether Trump ends up making a speech on Capitol Hill on January 29th, the state of the union is not strong, and everyone knows it.”

Yeah, right, we ALL know that. Problem is, he gave his speech and hit a home run, grand slam, even, right over the pointy heads of those teenybopper Prom Queen rejects dressed in white (they forgot their hoods). Anyway, the best way to summarize the rest of her thoughts is to allow the exclamation from Kurtz in Joseph Conrad’s Heart of Darkness burst from one’s lips: “The Horror! The Horror!”

This stuff is becoming hard even to parody; it parodies itself, which leaves many Trump supporters scratching their heads while they try to figure out ways to counter increasingly preposterous diatribes against the president. Of course, one way is to fight fire with fire, but the problem is that the deadpan dimwits of anti-Trumpism likely don’t have the brains to grasp what Trump’s defenders are saying. Still, it’s worth a try.

For this purpose, let us channel the genius of Red Buttons, a superb comedian who had people rolling in the aisles when he performed in Dean Martin’s roasts during the seventies and eighties. This comic’s “Why are we giving this man a dinner?” routine was always one of the best performances at these roasts. What might he say after viewing recent CNN and MSNBC rants, which together, according to The Daily Caller, used the word impeachment 200 times?

Maybe it would go something like this:

“Ladies and Gentlemen, the question is, why are we impeaching this man [Trump], when some of the most famous presidents in our history never got an impeachment!?”

• Grover Cleveland, who said to his five-weeks-pregnant mistress, “I’m sure you just have the flu,” never got an impeachment.

• James Madison, who said to his wife Dolley after the British burned the White House, “Well, honey, you were planning on redecorating anyway,” never got an impeachment.

• Franklin Delano Roosevelt, who when he wanted to end a conversation would say, “Well, I’m sorry, I have to run now!” never got an impeachment. (This is actually true).

• Gerald Ford, who after falling down the steps from Air Force One said, “Next time I’ll use a parachute,” never got an impeachment. (Not true, but he was known for stumbling).

• Ulysses S. Grant, who smoked forty cigars a day and said, “You don’t think these things are habit forming, do you?” never got an impeachment.

• Jimmy Carter, who after trying to bribe the Ayatollah to release American hostages said, “Whaddayamean you don’t like peanuts?” never got an impeachment.

• Harry Truman, who accused his hunting buddy of driving away with his prize kill and said, “The buck stops here!” never got an impeachment. (Kinda true.)

• And finally, George Washington, who after chopping down a cherry tree said to his father, “Sorry, Dad, I didn’t know you were up there,” never got an impeachment!

At least two questions arise from this review. First, would our sanity-challenged friends on the Left grasp the absurdity of their views about impeachment? Answer: Probably not. Second, readers might object by saying, surely you don’t think these quips are any good or would have any impact, do you?

My answer is, of course not! And as Dr. Leslie Nielson from “Airplane!” might say, don’t call me Shirley…